Apr 16/24
7:29 pm





Member of the L.M.S.A. SLO-PITCH

Team Ticker:
  • Contrary to rumours, we have not lost the beeps, the sweeps or the creeps.
  • If you're looking to be beamed, ask Rob. He beamed me twice last night and it was great.
Player of the game:
(Aug 17/13)
Mike Johnson

5 for 8 with 2 HRs and 9 RBIs. Overshadowed a little by great defensive plays by Kathleen, Josh, and Bird.
Countdown to Playoffs!
(Aug 17/13)
Posted Aug 17/13 - They've gone to plaid!

Best. Playoff Round-Robin. Ever.

Not only did the Spaceballs finish Playoff Saturday with a 3-0 record, but they got the #1 ranking in their division and an automatic bye into the semis. How did they achieve this feat after what was a pretty uninspiring regular season (at least until August)? A combination of good, clutch hitting and great defense; two things they've shown they're capable of in the past, but have rarely been able to combine in the same game. Clearly this team was built for the playoffs. July was just for the team to admire Rob's ass while he pitched and be content with that small slice of awesome. August is for acknowledging the ass, but focusing on the balls and it's really paid off.

Keep admiring those balls, assholes and may the Schwartz be with you!

The Schwartz.


Posted Aug 12/13 - Much less suck and very little blow.

It's starting to look like the Spaceball have righted the ship. Although they've still have more losses than wins in the last few weeks, the losses are close games against good opponents. A few more clutch hits and those losses become wins. In the two losses on Sunday, 17 Spaceballs were stranded on base (including three bases loaded situations). Score just a few more of those and the outcome is different. The good news is that the defense has been really solid for several games in a row, which is exactly where the team needs to be heading into playoffs.

Two final regular season games tonight and then the playoff preparations begin. Thanks to our subs for helping out on the weekend. Particularly Heather who hurt herself early in the second game, but kept on playing through the pain.

The Schwartz



Posted Jul 23/13 - A Tale of Two Spaceballs: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Schwartz

Well, there wasn't much to report after last week's games. In fact, this reporter contemplated a partial lobotomy to help forget the defensive atomic turd bomb dropped by the Spaceballs in their games against Binge Hitters. A turd so huge and vile that even MegaMerMaid couldn't suck it up or blow it away. Even heavy drinking won't wash away the memory. Trust me, I've tried that tactic to erase the sad hand job I got from Rob "Redmuff" Timlick a month ago. He just wasn't as loving and gentle as usual and it scarred me both physically and mentally.

The source of said turdiness was throwing errors. Throwing errors upon throwing errors upon throwing errors. More throwing errors than there are sexy, soft hairs surrounding Lone Bird's not-so-lonely, hirsute anus. The offense was there with 24 runs in two games. That many runs should win games. That many runs would have won two games against Monday's best team last night. Speaking of last night's games, let's move on from last week and start talking about something positive before Rob starts contemplating sad hand jobs for everyone.

Playing Monday's top team by a wide margin (Pro Ballaz), the Spaceballs held their opponent scoreless for five out of nine innings, giving up only 14 runs total against a team used to scoring a lot more. Sure they lost both games, but the scores were close and there were a lot of positives despite the outcome. The defense played really well, with only a couple of little mistakes stacked up against a lot of really spectacular plays. Leading the way was Donaskroob in right field, hoovering up fly balls like a horny co-ed hoovers....you know carpets and hardwood and other dirty surfaces. Meanwhile, the offense found ways to manufacture runs, particularly in the second game, against a one of the best defenses out there.

This is the Spaceballs we all know and love. This team is more than capable of beating the second best team on Mondays (whom they face next week). Let's hope we see this team again.

The Schwartz


Posted Jul 15/13 - The Schwartz is Back!

It's been a while, but your intrepid reporter is back in action. I'd like to give you some amazing excuse, like I was out saving/destroying the universe, but it was mostly laziness and beer that kept me away.

It's been a bit tough for the Spaceballs lately, culminating with a makeup Saturday that saw some late drop-outs force the team to play short-handed. Two auto-outs and lots of empty space in the field in the first game resulted in a quickie. Fun while it lasted, but ultimately unsatisfying....although it did give the team time for some BP bonding. A huge thanks to sub Ashley for giving us enough players to even play the first game and more huge thanks to Substitute First Class Asshole for coming out on ludicrously late notice to give us nine players for the last two games. One auto-out and one less fielder made for some more competitive, longer-lasting games even if the end results were the same (losses).

The sun was shining (if not a little oppressively) and fun was had until the entire day was almost ruined by one guy in the last game. Who knew it would be such an issue where the auto-out was in the lineup? It's a free out and extra space in the field, not to mention a makeup game in rec league slo-pitch, and the position of the auto-out is worth arguing with the ump about for two innings? Sadly, that isn't the only thing Whiney McShuttheFupalready complained about. Felt pretty bad about the ump, but he really should've tossed the guy in the second inning. He was waaaay too tolerant. Also, the other team took their shirts off and, in one "awesome" case, their pants. Maybe he was looking for****and ain't found it. They were winners.

The next report won't take so long, I promise.

The Schwartz

Posted Jun 11/13 - Donaskroob Goes Spaceballs Deep

With new uniforms comes new mojo. Not only did Spaceballs: The Slo-Pitch team look damn sexy out there, but they finally combined good offense and defense in the same game. The first game was a blow-out against a short-handed, but fun Suds team. Some late-arriving reinforcements gave Suds a full roster for game two and the result was a much more entertaining and close match that went down to the wire.

Donaskroob, perhaps inspired by his rival Lone Bird's perfect performance, hammered a rare homerun. Spaceballs subs, Still Evil... and Milkshake, provided the team a much needed boost. The defense combed dirt, grass, and air with their gloves and DID find sh**! Lots of it. If this is a sign of things to come, then the team is hitting their stride just in time for the next tournament.

The Raspberry. 

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