Dec 4/23
11:47 pm




Maple Ridge

Team Ticker:
  • officer chatt rolls in a dead fish and claims its a new frangrance called passion
  • officer gauthier has a fire burning down below
  • officer chatt has announce he is working on body suit make outta of seran wrap
  • officer belanger drops is hit single wet and wild jan 9
  • officer wingert in heat
Player of the week:
(Jul 29/07)

its only fitting with the spice girls reuniting that this player of the week go to officer chatt aka scary spice. so tell me wut u want wut u really really want if u want my future forget my past if u wanna get with me u better make it fast i wont be hasty ill give u a try and if u start to bug me then ill say goodbye
Countdown to bark hes home
(Aug 3/07)

may 4 officer belanger is deployed to fight the war of stravation on small town.

All I can say is...
True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from Sandiego and a couple nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a damn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend. -Mitch Martin, Old School 2003
Thanks for reading, sincerely -Officer Rat

nov 21 2007

swat weekly is back!! in this weeks news officer chatt waits in traffic for an hour to get back to his compound after installin awnings all day long. officer chat has also relased plans that in 2008 he will grow his beard to connect with his chest hair and his catch phrase to people will be lets get connected!. officer wingert finally back on the map after a breif 3 yr stint in portugal hes back and is doing wut he does best with all the cocking and the **** juices.officer gauthier has been sighting were bright colored tops and white loafers yet no pants kudos matt. gerenal belanger has created a band called sassy tarts he sings a variety of folk songs his hit is called wet and wild

October 10th 2007

Once again we would like to apologize for the lack of SWAT updates, unfortunately we are all lazy and basically have forgotten this site exists. On the bright side their have been a few big stories to be told. Starting off with two SWAT members that now have moved onto new occupations. Yes the rumours are true Kyle "the rat" chatt and Kiel "tatty " aarstad have quit their jobs as the elusive book experts at marks work warehouse. they have resigned and moved onto newer exciting careers. Yes Kiel aarstad is becoming a plumber so that he can show other guys his butt crac and work with pipes full of****and Kyle has become a gay porn star i mean a demolition man as they apparently like to call it. This is both good and bad news for the swat good that there brothers are moving out of the****hole called the boot deck and bad because we other swats cannot get 10% discounts on items purchased there. Officer wingert is doing what he does best, making mad cashola. He is also starting his own tribute to r.kelly tour even though r kelly is still alive. Officer gauthier you remember that tall bastard, well hes still working in the bush these days, and yes it is true he will be the newest model of mick jagger skin tight jeans. Rob "dawg" belanger is still up in terrace shooting school buses with his paintball gun. Until next time well there wont be a next time oh and on another side note the swat page is almost a year old goodbye.

swat is proud to annouce that officer chatt purchased **** car when asked about this situation swat members were pleased that finally offcier chatt decided not to walk ne where ever again but when they got more in depth in coversation most swat memebers gave it a week b4 it would be stolen. officer gauthier annouced to teen people magazine that he prefers tight pants and loose boxers and not the other way around and that he was suing the national enquier for stating that he was pregnet in last weeks issues. officer belanger is in a horrible mental state after purchasing rotten fruit which was sold to him by a native folk teller dawg pound could not me reached for specifics. officer wingert has annouced a movement to create a new cologne called the beach a sexy blend of white sand and sea weed with a hint of shell fish


Wow! it been a long time i would like to apologize on behalf of swat for our lazidazical ways we apologize. Now lets get connected........ In recent swat news officer chatt has been sighted in a wearhouse that sells clothing wearing ass less nurse scrubs and a mexican designed and inspired poncho. officer chatt has also pledged to a local sorority call wet and wild omega mega we hope to hear back from him next week to find out how that mission is goin. officer gauthier went and saw the movie transformers in the weeks past and now thiks he can transform, when really he does not he just yells out transform real loud and nuthing happens. officer gauthier has also let many unynaimous sources know that he would like to purchase a straight sheer and slick looking purple shirt when asked why he replied "because pink is for fags" kudos officer gauthier kudos. Officer belanger has temporaly left swat to plant tree in alaska he has since become friends with rohda wingnatti an alaskan eskimo they sometimes make igloos and fish and on special ocassionals snuggle and make smores. officer wingert has gone missing again rumour at the rumor mill are swirling that he is fishing for crabs at a local taco bell establishment now i know wut ur thinking hes not actually finshin i tell u he is hes sitting on all the toilet seats at taco bell waiting to see wuts gonna happen. chris has yet to write is easssay on why birds actual fy as a punishment he mush now right a 5000 word essay on why bears eat garbage.


well this week in swat......officer chatt left for his mexican fiesta may19th he went with a coalalition of men and was informing swat that he would be winning pesos by coming in first in the salad tossesing competion when asked by officer gauthier what kinda of slada dressing he prefered officer chatt responded cool ranch. night one in mexico marked senior chatts first of many golden showers of the week he was seen my miguel sanchez an insider source for swat news wearing nuthing but a sambraro. in other news officer belanger has been herd from he has come down with an extreme case of masterbation exhaustion swat doctors have prescribed that rob drink more water and stop taking cialis. officer gauthier has the g unity estates to himself and has decided to go all tom cruise risky buisness on swat he also invited swat over for steak swat declined the offer officer g ended up digesting 4 large steaks. officer wingert has once again been assualt as his car was once again tradgeclly broken into by fugetives his dolce glasses were stolen for a record 3rd time eye witness at the scence describe officer wingert state of mind as scared and alone like hed been raped.

Apr 29

It has been awhile since there was news for the s.w.a.t in recent weeks news swat has trade marked there official name some. wicked. ass. times aka swat. S.W.A.T is sadden by the deployment of there peace keeping unit officer belanger has been deployed the boys have supplyed him with the esstentials beer and pornography when asked about his deployment officer belnager had this to say i'll be back officer chatt then informed the rest of swat that officer belanger had been watching a lot of the terminator movies in recent days. From all of swat we want to wish the rob good luck and to come home safely and porsper while he is there. In other news officer chatt has once again hit the bottle hard and has been seen half naked at 1am outside of a prestigous maple ridge nite club sources have confirmed it is tommies bar and grill sources also claim that he was only wearing a shirt and one sock and had to be traquilzed to stop from yelling at chevron gas atendants wut was he yelling u ask he was yelling chevron with techron as loud as he could. swat would also like to give officer goat the silver sac awards for winning a 500 bounty for showing outstand leadership in school with the asain students. goat aslo takes home the a maple ridge independant film award for his instructional video how to get into tight pants we salute goat on his endvors. officer aarstad is in mystery training for an important ball hockey game he has been doing two a days for months wih russel crow aarstad has claimed he will shoot out the lights in recent interviews with vogue. officer wingert appears from the shadows wearing cut of jeans shorts and states he had an affair with brent sopel then when asked why he replyed im a sex addict enough said chris enough said.

apr 1st April fools

well the swat crew had there 1st reunion there were many highlites officer chatt got sloshed as usual he was angry at everything this night asking everyone to call him "THE DRUNK" in a stunning move officer gauthier wear tight pants to the sheep for the reunion people in the bar were whispering to eachother is that mick jagger swat replied its bleeping lt gauthier. officer gauthier then proceeded to buy 7 wings for 8 bucks. officer belanger as getting all the looks tho on this night for his dazzling threadz from marks workwear house he was sporting a creame and white with a hint of black barbaian rugby shirt yes rob belanger you are the swat style star of the week a footnote on this topic is officer B is also bringing back the ringo star hair syle we dig it at swat. officer chatt and officer belanger retreated to the chatt residence after the reunion also known as the bat cave they decided to watch prederter 2 and spoon on a dust mitey matress officer belanger was quoted as saying i think i got herpes from the dust and filth from the matress. in other news officer chatts stomach was digruntled today and he was letting loose at work for all to huff he claimed he ate the inside of a pumpkin and washed it down with bushman beer imported from an unidentified european country.
mar 26

This week in swat news is a dandy. Officer chatt reicieved a complementary pirate pack from our pround sponsars at whitespot plus a beaver pelt for his courage and stregth of chasing down a shoplifter. chatt was quoted as saying "its just instinct some people got it some people dont but where i come from you take my things you get cut, its just the way i was brought up" officer chatt persued this unknown assilant on foot and with a last ditch effort officer chatt 2 th20 meter dash and gave the assilant a two handed donkey push, the assiant was then seen bloodied and distraught, officer chatt returned to marks where he declared he hate mushrooms on his pizza and he also hadreturned with the boots. in other news officer belanger aka the texting bandit has frozen some of his prize sperm you may look at it if you choose to on march the 31st in the froozen foods aisle at save on.officer gauthier came down with a runny nose the swat doctors recomended some robatussin officer gauthier also told the doctors that he strained pelvic muscle swat doctors prescribed robatussin again. officer wingert was not spotted this week but we have confirmed reports from his neverous fathe peter that chris is well and hes opening a nude bakerey there are rumours that one rob belanger will be there to butter buns for the grand opening


well this week in swat news has had its moment..... officer chatts upcoming animal fight with the colorado bigfoot has been cancelled rumours are swirling that officer chatt has been taking illegal human growth hormone and is under investigation by the DEA these are unconfirmed reports we reiterate. officer gauthier is fuming from recent attacks by the visa corporation on officers gauthiers well being. visa thought that for laughs they would break into matts truck why he was stroking wood and playing with balls they also took his black nap sack with two valueble essays in it on written about beaver pelts the other one was written about geography. officer belanger has struck bad news upon swat this week telling them he may have to relocate to the FBI in some forign area location to be announced april 1 swat all dealed with this in there seperate ways officer chatt was seeing eating stroudels at the local bakery, officer gauthier grew another full inch now making him 6'6 and he grthat inch just outta frustration and emotion, officr stad has new rage towards save on foods and refuses to shop there in a recent statement he has stated he will shop only at gas bars. officer wingert was flabergassed by the news he went completly wack and ran into the local harry hooge bush patch in nuthing but a rash guard. in more news officer aarstad and officer chatt love the bra-barian. officer wingert was sighted this past week he told swat not to worry hes ok hes been eating canned beans and hiding in his small cramped laundry room in his basement hiding frm umpalompas.


Aarstad states his trainging for the jerks season is going good and hes ready to compete for a starting job. officer Goat is furiously slaving away in a whiterock wear house building directing his upcoming porno flick called to suck or not to suck we wish him well on this flick. officer gauthier has also been linked to a counter fit clothing operation run by jimmy chiu a 90 yr old asain man residing in a tiney store market on east hastings close topigeon square. officer chatt has been sponsored my the thailandnese fruit drink leychee juice it gives him and pep and a rocket hard on he has been stated as sayin the lastest edition of people magize. officer chatt also clogged a toilet a marks work wear house with three kids he dropped off and couldnt find. chatt thought it would also be a good idea to tell everyone thats him and a unknown caped assilant will form the caped chodas at the mar 6th cancuks game were they will be drinking 8 dollar beers and calling the rest of swat yellin racsit slurs to each. officer belanger has been sighted at a local save on bakery buttering his buns. officer wingert was sighted this week expect he has acted all swat to call him julio and when asked why he was waring nuthing but frayed cut off jean shorts he replyed if you dont like it i will ****you. most of swat or dealing with local councillors trying to snap officer wingert out of his gay state of mind

Feb 22nd
Well SWAT continues to do what it does best, I have no idea what that is though, a little variety of everything drink, hump, work, spend, but always winning. Dizzle made a brief appearance recently however imemediately was back to rat by the next morning. Rat made his annual trip to Big White and came home safe, however he seemed a bit distraught. Rats hunger to go snowboarding has risen and looks to be going soon with member officer tatty. Speaking of Tatty this man has been busting his balls at a local cheap clothing store. Hes been starting an illegal ring on text message porn. His two stars making him the big bucks are mr belanger and rat. The most popular photo on the market right now is one called the scorpien, unfortunately for legal reasons i cannot describe the photo you will just have to buy it from tatty. Rats photo is slowly gaining popularity too. These three members hit up the local cinema to catch a flick called ghost rider, and they loved, they loved it so much afterwords they all went out and bought man thongs danced around almost nude in them and slapped eachothers asses they said it was a jolly good time. Goat has been in deep****with some shady people called VISA. He owes them money but he doesnt have it right now. Hes jobless so hes had to find other means of getting money and lately he has been doing this by playing poker. right now his record is 1 win 2 losses so far hes up 20 bucks, however he has a bunch more to pay off before VISA breaks his legs. oh and Mr wingert, well hes saving cats from trees, putting out fires with humongous hose, and posing for firemans calendars while drinking milk and spilling it all over his body. This has been this week in SWAT, as for next time, keep fit and have fun, ITS YOUR DUTY JUDY.

Feb 10th
Not much on the fore front for the jerks in the last few weeks. Officer aarstad and gauthier continue to cry themselves to sleep because they have come down with a sever case of home sickness after being away from their land of mexico. Rat has vanished of into the hills of Kelowna for a weekend, however speculations believe he actually is training to fight a black panther "smells like bigfoots dick". Officer Rob Dawg continues to slave away at slave on foods, however did purchase a new vehicle after the jetta recently passed away. Club dario well......we have heard little from this mom and are beginning to believe he is tired of the fame from being in the group swat. A logging truck driver said he saw a man running naked through the the deep forest behind pitt lake. The truck driver took a photo but only got the mans ass in the shot, swat will be able to identify whether this is wingert or not when they examine the photo on tuesday.

Jan 24th
Well its been a long while since the last swat article are apologies we were busy listening to gwen stefani. In most recent news officer gauthier and aarstad aarived home from the anaual swat meeting in cancun mexico. they all did swat proud there were many highlites such as hung over days, giant cuban ciagrs****filled toilets, senior bouch was named to the honorary swat team for the week for his amazing ability to recover from a rough nite of drinking he reminded of a young snoop dogg. officer gauthier did all of canada proud for his abiliy to drink shots of mexican piss also called the beared beast known as tequila officer goat did not even flinch shot after shot the sloppier he got he proceed to sing some uys have all the luck officer stad particpated the the tequila surise contest downing one after another and then prcced to feel up a mime clown. the depletedwt unit also played with dolphins we all played rummy and got drunk officer gauthier was quoted as saying it was strictly a physical attraction he had with jogo and louis the two captive dolphins senior bouch was quoted as sayinhe was strictly at the dolphin park for the sex. one nite officer aarstad decided he was hot so he took his pants ofand it was revealed he was wearing gold plated boxers he proceed to smoke a cuban on the deck were officer gauither joined and asked whered u get those boxers from aarstad replyed walmart. in other news officer chatt the choda that he is turned 22 appy birthday king fish chatts birthday festivities took plce in a damp musty smelling basement known to someas the witch to other as the slvation army outlet liquor store officer chatt and officer belanger or 2 beer belanger as he is known to some proceeded to go get subs from subway loaded with sex sauce officer chatt actaully fuked his sub in a drunken rage. in sad news oficer wingert has not been herd from in weeks is persumed to be kiddnapped my asian pimps and is now worin a a sex trade worker on the exclusive downtown east side.

S.W.A.T. Weekly jan3 2006

well New yers has come and gone props from all fellow swat members to Lt. Goat great BIB= bash in boons there was a sloppy ****there a circus midet u could say he snuck away from the local carnival his name nurse dre he vomitted lots officer belanger drank oly the finest champange cooks hes then proceeded to dance a jig in the middle of the room officer wingert drank a 40 of malibu the jamican rum and half a thing of alize he then throw up at his place of residents officer chatt once again disapointed officer staddy by not showing up to g unitys with his wolverine chops as he had promised meer hours before i think he was to busy diningon fine crab with the rest of the chatt family. the highlite of the nite came when it was dark enough that not evn a nigga could be seen thats when the swat broke out gangstas paradise and ghost rided 2 beer belnagers whip. all and all good time had.

S.W.A.T. Weekly November 30th 2006

well the swat bandit hit the slopes of cypress today it was an epic day as one bearded swat member was quoted as saying. highlites of the day went to goat for eating a poutine in 60 seconds while maintain a regular heart beat, officer robillionaire for living up to his life saying "rest when your dead", officer chatt for purchasing a 30$ coumbia coat we salute u on this steal of the day officer chatt and last but not least aarstidian for finally landing a couple of jumps and poses for the carhartt camera people after word he was also notified by local mountian authorities to stop yelling clothes that work bitches

S.W.A.T. Weekly November 26th 2006

This past week was a quiet one for the members of SWAT except for a wednesday where two members visited a local pub called the witch where they proceeded to drink like a thirsty camel. Soon after the decided to call the other members of swat and leave threatening death messages. They have been sued because of their death threats and are will be facing a punishment in court this week.

S.W.A.T. Weekly

This week a storm hit swat officer wingert was blown right away officer belanger was powerless and hungry at last reports officer chat went on about his buisness and went to soccer and officer aarstad stared at his back page spread of the local times which made him a hometown hero he has his picture up now at the M.R lesiure center right beside graig merrit. in other great news snowbaord season is upon us bitches whooooooo

S.W.A.T. Weekly

Well this week in swat was thrilling the crew ventured out of there hood to gm place in van city. officer belanger impressed swat members with his firey insticts on the bus of mayhem on the way to the game. officer belanger almost fought half a ruby team for robs braverey he earns level 6th strength. Now we all no uve all been waiting to here how officer chatts night went, well he was drunk persicly 1.5 minutes into a 10 minute ride from a local clothing outfitter to an unknown pitt meadows resident. officer chatt then began to yell obsecenties involving the canucks and certain curse words. As Swat approched a short cut to this unknown pitt meadows residents they were approached by two males one caucasian bout 5.9 130lbs the other a chocolaty looking fellow as dark as mud on a rainey day. swat and the two assilants crossed paths it ended up with darkness sayin u better recognize swat still isnt sure what they shuld recognize. to make a long story short swat is home safe they love don taylor and they will have there vengence on other pitt meadlians

A Gauthier at marks?!?
confirmed reports have one mrs bonne G strolling around at marks hunting through dicount bins. she was wearing a lovley vest and had nice freshly blonde hair one kyle chatt was quoted on saying man look at that milf. BG was upset with her discount from marks that she threaten everyone at marks and put out a jihad on the boot experts this will not be tolerated and she will feel the wrath dect stad was quoted as saying thats something you just dont do you dont mess with a bull or u get the horns.

SWAT sets plan of action to verbally assault the Canucks own Ryan Kesler. the 1.9 million dollar man has given SWAT 1.9 million reasons to hate is ass. he has yet to perform and only has one point, that being a measley assist. how about this, kesler go back to the minors or better yet go to phili their organization would suit u perfect, a bunch of wash ups that just got fired. kesler your not even a has been your a never was, YOU SUCK!!
S.W.A.T. News

S.w.a.t is very pround to announce that rob belanger passed his elite level driving test and is now a part of the swat elite driving relm rob is 1 of only 3 swat member is this elite category officer chatt and lt goat are still working on there elite driving degree no estimated time on there completion.


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