Feb 6/23
7:51 pm





Member of the L.M.S.A. SLO-PITCH

Team Ticker:
  • Welcome back to the home of the Artful Dodgers - Summer 2012 Squad!
  • A Birdless blend of fall and summer players.
  • Sexy, but not Bird sexy.
Player of the game:
(Aug 19/12)

Cheesy, but the whole team has to be praised here. Everyone contributed to the championship, but we'll also give a special nod to retiring Captain Evil for her game winning RBI single in the bottom of the 5th in the final.
Countdown to Fall Ball!
(Aug 27/12)

Posted Aug 20/12 - Artful Dodgers are Division 3 B-side Champs!

Yes, you read that correctly. The Dodgers pulled off their first of hopefully many championships this past weekend. Things started off slowly with a 1-2 record on Saturday and some relatively silent bats. Playing with a 6-4 lineup and missing some big bats, Sunday morning still started off with an 11 run bang in the top of the first against the Blue Jays. Despite the good start, defensive woes contributed to a 14-13 loss, dropping the team to the B-side.

The semi-finals saw a match-up with some friendly faces in Kind of a Big Deal. Strong bats and a few key defensive plays pushed the Dodgers to an 18-14 win and a trip to the finals and a rematch with Stumblers (the only team the Dodgers beat on Saturday). It was a closely contested game, filled with unfortunate injuries and a really small strike zone that both pitchers had to adapt to. It came down to runners at 1st and 3rd in the bottom of the fifth with one out in a tie game and the Captain up to bat. In what might be the last at-bat of her Dodgers career, she came through with the clutchiest of clutch hits in Dodgers history to drive in the winning run! Now that's retiring in fashion.

It was a great season filled with highs, lows and plenty of Rob's vagina. The team continues to improve and maybe an A-side final is in the near future? I look forward to reporting on the next Dodgers team.


Posted Jul 24/12 - Dodgers Sweep Jays to Take Sole Possession of Third

After a poor outing on Friday, which saw the Dodgers offense and defense struggle, the team rebounded with two solid wins against a good, fun Blue Jays squad. The Dodgers were playing a 5 and 5 lineup on Friday, but still a lineup that is normally capable of great things. Not to take anything away from a good Wind Burn team that is always fun to play (this reporter can't emphasize enough how fun it is to play teams that recognize this is a rec slo-pitch league and who have a douchiness factor of zero), but some weak hitting in game one and key defensive mistakes in a 7-inning game two, really cost the Dodgers. Prime Time Vagine was the default male player of the game thanks to his consistent pitching, while the evil one herself was the lone bright spot on the team, putting together another solid offensive night during this current hot streak of hers.

On a sweaty, nearly windless Monday, the Dodgers had an almost complete lineup (rare this season) and showed what they are capable of when everyone comes to play. Aside from one inning, the defense was in top form all night. Players were sacrificing their bodies on defense and offense with some impressive dives, slides, and stretches. Clutch two-out hits brought home several runs. Second base was abused. The heat coming off of Rob's vagina warmed the hell out of the bench.

The Dodgers will look to translate this regained momentum into two more wins next Monday against a team they've never met before. Following those games will be a team chemistry-building retreat that will focus on forging stronger team bonds through games, hand-to-hand combat, beer, and verbally abusing the team mascot. The Dodgers will be sure to come out of the retreat refreshed and ready for the stretch run to the playoffs.



Posted Jul 17/12 - Injury List

 Player  Injury  Recovery Time
 Shaun Johnson  Old Man Shoulder & Knee  14 Day DL
 Thomas Sutton  Broken Fingernail  Out for the Season
 Rob Timlick  Chronically Sore Vagina  Day-to-day

Posted Jul 17/12 - Dodgers Come From Behind in Game 2 to Complete Sweep

While this reporter was away battling mosquitoes and boredom, the Dodgers just kept on rolling. They followed up two wins over Master Batters with a tightly contested sweep over the always entertaining Oh Crud! In between all of that, they finished the May Tournament Playoffs amid some controversy. It would seem the league neglected to mention that the winner of the first game had to play again immediately in their emailed schedule while the loser didn't. Playing 5 and 5, the Dodgers showed what has become consistently solid defense on their way to a victory, then had to run back to the diamond after leisurely making their way to the clubhouse for an assumed break and were unprepared for game action. The first two innings showed just how unprepared the Dodgers were after committing too many errors to count on their way to an embarassing loss. While it's understandable when there are an uneven number of teams that back-to-back games are sometimes necessary in tournaments and teams are used to playing double headers for regular season games (because they expect them), if it's going to be the very first game of the day then a little warning shouldn't be too much to ask for.

As for last night's games, the Dodgers (again playing 5 and 5) jumped out to an early lead in the first game behind solid defense and timely hitting and never looked back. Oh Crud! used the long ball to score a quick 6 runs in the first two innings of the second game while the Dodger bats cooled off. It wasn't until a 4-run top of the fifth, capped by a 3-run homerun by the Attack Monkey, that they took the lead and held on for the win. As a result of the late inning heroics and some timely catches in the outfield, the Monkey took male PoG honours. Not to be outdone by a monkey with a ****, Erin "Still Needs a Nickname" Koga, finished the night going 5 for 6 and was hammering the ball every at-bat.

Not to take anything away from the Dodgers performances, but Oh Crud! looked to be battling some injuries and even tighter contests are expected next time these two teams meet. Next up is another favourite opponent in Wind Burn for some makeup games on Friday the 20th.



Posted Jun 27/12 - Drunk Reporter Challenges Grammar to a Fight

Frak you Grammar, I'm win more!

And now, fresh off my victory over Grammar, here's the latest Dodger news (typed with extra carefulitude). On Monday, the Dodgers won a couple of mercy games (19-6 and 11-1) over what was obviously a short-handed, but still super fun Nads team. The bats were hot, except for that lazy-ass first baseman and the gloves were even hotter. The hottest glove was none other than the player of the night, SS Shaun. There was an inning or two where it was the Shaun show and the rest of us were just spectators. The outfield played like spectators the entire night, possibly explaining the dropped ball or two......

To go along with the hot glove, was a hot bat. In two games, he was 5 for 6 with a single, a double, a triple, and two homers, scoring four runs and batting in another 10. Of course, the lazy, but efficient (and far sexier), first baseman managed 5 RBIs off only two singles. Just sayin'.

However, the first baseman can't win all the awards, so it was decided that Shaun "Fernandez" Johnson gets the nod for this week while sexiest ass went to Rob. Is this reporter the only one who thinks Rob has the finest ass/vagina combo in slo-pitch? I think not.





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