Band of Brothers: Stars 3 Legends 0

The Spielberg / Hanks blockbuster hollywood account of Easy Company's, the 506 Parachute Regiment 101st Airborne Division’s role in WW II follows a group of men from jump training at Camp Toccoa, to DDay, through to the end of the war at the Bird’s Nest.  I’m familiar with the box set since I’ve watched the entire series around seven times…I highly recommend it…'cause it would be weird to watch an entire series that many times and not recommend it, right?  I would never disrespect a veteran by comparing anything in our ball world to their stories, especially a past time we get to enjoy for their sacrifice.  But for a moment on Saturday it felt like the spirit of Band of Brothers took over the game…on both sides.  

The story starts with ARob, aka Wild Bill Guarnere, taking the hill for the first time this year.  He got three infield pop-ups with a walk mixed in to start the first.  So he goes a second…a 1-2-3 inning ending with a K.  How ‘bout a third for shits and giggles?  Sure!  Aided by a magical DP, a tic-tac-toe 5-4-3 O’conn to Physio to Lefty, reminiscent of a Coffey to Gretzky to Kurri power play goal circa 1983, ARob tap dances his way to the dugout (or was it a sashay).  He just went 3IP 0R 0ER 0H 1BB and got a big hug from yours truly (which wasn’t received as warmly as one would have liked, but I digress) and was offered a free Red Racer IPA, post-game of course.  

Then IKat, who can do just about anything, bravely agrees to pitch the 4th like a Shifty Powers.  He got the leader on a nice throw from O’conn (aka Captain Ronald Spears, seeing a pattern forming).  Then IKat gives the game a bit of “excitement” walking or hitting three of the next four batters.  With bases loaded, the Stars were bending like an Al MacInnis stick shaft at an all star game, but alas, did not break as IKat induced a ground ball to O’conn (the guy is like the “wind" from last week…a factor throughout…if you haven’t read last weeks SGR, read it, damn it!).  Now might be a time to talk about the Stars offence….Crickets.  Well, IKat and Razor did single with two outs in the first, but that sneaky-good-for-nothing-bat-breaking-sUNRUHva-beeotch-nasty-curve-ball-throwin’-varmint-Brian-22, broke Crash's aka Captain Lewis Nixon's bat as he barely got the ball to second, swinging at an outside curve ball that may have hit their dugout if he would have left it.  But then O’conn (you think I’m tired of this guy yet) blasts a triple to right centre to start the fourth inning and eventually comes in to plate the game's opening run. 

Then the 5th.  Bastogne.  After ARob Guernere tracked down the hardest hit ball of the day by the Legends’ Todd (Nadon 15) in deep right-centre and O’conn Spears (enough already) makes his 38th out of the game, a ball is popped up behind 2nd, between right and centre.  Luckily, Yosimite-tough-as-nails-Tup-1st Lieu-Heylinger bailed last moment as ARob Guarnere and speeding train Physio Frank Perconte smacked head on going for the ball.  The sound still sends chills up the spine and goose bumps on the goose bumps of anyone who saw/heard it, especially for Rick Lynn Buck Compton Reining, who is the kind of invaluable teammate a squad needs and writes the cleanest and neatest scorebook one has ever seen…thank you.  This is where kudos start for the Legends.  First responder Legend Trevor Bonn 19 got out to Physio Frank Perconte first and had him stay still with an ice pack on his neck, bringing a confident calmness to the situation.  Arob Guarnere is checking for his chicklits between spitting out results from a nasty cut and says, “I’m going to be eating soup for a while”.  The call for Crash Nixon to call 911 came and with O’conn’s phone (how much do I get paid per mention), he gets dispatch.  
Crash Nixon can be heard saying the following to dispatch:
“Goat Path Park”
“Ladner.  South Delta.  Farmville”
“It’s next to the police station and the hospital!”
“Goat.  Path.  Park.”
"Nearby street?  Uhhhhh, Who knows the nearest street?”  
“Well where is he?!?!  If who knows, where is he???”
“Harvest Drive”  
“No, that’s not a joke fitting in with the goat and farm references!”  
“Just get here and look after my fellow soldiers er, I mean teammates!”
“Yes, he’s breathing.  Something between garlic and coffee…bad, but he’s breathing.  I feel sorry for Mr. Bonn.  Shaken?  Stirred?  NOoooooo, Bonn, not Bond!”
“50-something but could kick mine, yours and anybody’s arse…best shape guy on the team.  And gives a mean massage, especially....Wait, is this being recorded?”  
“The other fella...You heard him, ’50!’”
“No meds.  No, not the little blue pill.  He just got married though…this’ll go over well.  You think?  How long should he wait to call?  Ok, I’ll tell him.”
“Big Lar Moustach Robert Sink always said they write themselves.”
“The SGR.  I’m guest-writer again this week and I’ve got a lot of material to work with after this.”
“Oh you should.  ballcharts.com/team/?team=stars...”  
“Oh thanks, that was our photo from last year.  Single?  I don’t think he is, but I’ll ask!” 

"Ya, I called earlier.  See O'Conn was on a bit of a vacay and still is.  But he left Mt. Baker at 6am to make the game and I figured I better call 911 early so they will be able to save him when he gets back to his wife."
“Oh.  Thanks, they’re here…if only we had a key to the chain in right so they could come onto the field to help these guys…"

Before we knew it, there were ambulance responders and firemen, helping our guys and talking to Mr. Bonn.  There was only one stretcher so they decided that ARob Guarnere of the very-likely-broken-jaw-damn-it injury was going to be in the stretcher while the Physio Perconte-seems-to-not-have-a-neck-or-spine-injury-thank-all-that-is-good is going to make the walk to the ambo, for the eight second drive to the hospital.  It says something of these guys how they went so hard for the ball in no-man’s land in a one-run game (someone scored it E-9…that’s terrible!  Just kidding.).  Hard to see guys injured like that.  There was an eerie/weirdness after that.  But the eight Stars left decided to play the game and dedicate it to the boys.  This is where we have to tip our caps to the Mr. Mathews and the Legends again.  They agreed to let us play the game with our remaining eight players.  

From there, the pitching and defence continued to dominate for both sides.  Lefty had an inning like Bull Randleman in Operation Market Garden in the 7th, and was involved in all three outs.  Bullets from Stimpy Blythe at short and O’Conn (Really?  Really) at third and an unassisted out, one of which required Lefty leaving the base to make the play and returning to base crawling on all fours to make the out, are what Lefty legends are made of.  After seven innings, the Legends had two hits, the same number as RVD, who twice stroked liners into left and afterwards could be heard mumbling, “Someone tell who runs this team that I want to bat leadoff.”.  To which Crash replied, “Major Who Winters heard you.”.  The Legends strung three hits together in the 8th, but Stimpy Blythe caught a tough pop up and then induced a 4-3 to get out of it.  He was then off and running around the bases, scoring the last two runs in the 7th and 8th for a 3-0 lead thanks to a sac from Okie and balk-inducing running from Tup as nails .  The Legends' final push included a hard hit ball to third which ricocheted off our third baseman (don’t make me say his name again) into foul territory where “he” picked it up and ignoring all-knowledgeable IKat, threw a rocket to an outstretched RVD (still wondering Who…never mind) to make the second out.  Stimpy Blythe K’d the final batter to secure the shutout and victory for the Stars.  The game featured only 12 hits and only one error…very clean, but most importantly was a true showing of guts and sportsmanship on both sides.  

8 Men Out was an alternative title for the SGR, but had a negative connotation that didn’t represent the spirit of the eight Stars and their two teammates across the street in the hospital.  It also sounded like a weird social night out hosted at Physio’s massage “office”.  All twelve who started the game, RR Buck and the eight who finished contributed in a big way in a total team effort and got a surprising double u.  Well, except Crash…all he did was break a team bat and swing at balls heading for their dugout or over his head.  But Crash, as SGR guest writer, was lucky to be witness to all the heroics of his teammates and lucky to be able to write and document a game that will forever live in the Stars’ lore, like a narrator in Band of Brothers.  “George would be proud” Lefty added.  "My 'Bro' is pinching today" added IPAers Okie and ARob.  All the best to Physio and ARob in their recoveries.  Look forward to seeing you both in the trenches as soon as you can!  It is truely an honour to play with all the Stars.