Jun 18/21
6:23 pm





Member of the L.M.S.A. SLO-PITCH

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Posted Jul 23/13 - A Tale of Two Spaceballs: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Schwartz

Well, there wasn't much to report after last week's games. In fact, this reporter contemplated a partial lobotomy to help forget the defensive atomic turd bomb dropped by the Spaceballs in their games against Binge Hitters. A turd so huge and vile that even MegaMerMaid couldn't suck it up or blow it away. Even heavy drinking won't wash away the memory. Trust me, I've tried that tactic to erase the sad hand job I got from Rob "Redmuff" Timlick a month ago. He just wasn't as loving and gentle as usual and it scarred me both physically and mentally.

The source of said turdiness was throwing errors. Throwing errors upon throwing errors upon throwing errors. More throwing errors than there are sexy, soft hairs surrounding Lone Bird's not-so-lonely, hirsute anus. The offense was there with 24 runs in two games. That many runs should win games. That many runs would have won two games against Monday's best team last night. Speaking of last night's games, let's move on from last week and start talking about something positive before Rob starts contemplating sad hand jobs for everyone.

Playing Monday's top team by a wide margin (Pro Ballaz), the Spaceballs held their opponent scoreless for five out of nine innings, giving up only 14 runs total against a team used to scoring a lot more. Sure they lost both games, but the scores were close and there were a lot of positives despite the outcome. The defense played really well, with only a couple of little mistakes stacked up against a lot of really spectacular plays. Leading the way was Donaskroob in right field, hoovering up fly balls like a horny co-ed know carpets and hardwood and other dirty surfaces. Meanwhile, the offense found ways to manufacture runs, particularly in the second game, against a one of the best defenses out there.

This is the Spaceballs we all know and love. This team is more than capable of beating the second best team on Mondays (whom they face next week). Let's hope we see this team again.

The Schwartz



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