Oct 20/20
7:59 am





League Ticker:
  • We all suck according to man on street of no fixed address
  • Kirbys/BLuesox/Early D1 split with Mladios/Late D2
  • Dukes crumble under Hammers onslaught
  • No one knows yet... Twisters vs Bullets
  • No one knows yet... Blues/Diegos vs Team Worth
Countdown to Spring
(Mar 21/05)
Welcome to the rouge RAP div.1 homepage. This page is by no way affiliated with RAP DIV 1, NSA or anyting else really important. All charecters and events, even those based on real people and actual games, are entirly fictional. All celebrity interviews and comments are made up.

Week 5 - '72 Dolphins, The Hobbit, Sauve needs a trade.
Week 5 started with the Early D1 playing the Late D2 Early on diamond 1. The home field advantage didnt work for the Kirbys/BLuesox/Early D1's as Mladios/Late D2 jumped out to a huge early lead of about 15-2 as time flew by Mladio Manager/couch and owner Ryan Stienbreener alomst found a way for his team to fold up there tents as Kirbys/BLuesox/Early D1 made a serios run to close the gap and make the final 20-19 Mladios. "Another great win for me and my servants," said Manager Ryan Stienbrenner and winning pitcher Sas Croucher simultaniously.

On diamond 2 what had potential to be the marquee matchup of the 2005 early season turned out to be not so much. Travis Shaws check to Umpire Rick the Hobbit apparently cleared ad he boxed a play at first base on the opening hitter. "I was concerned the fact that he spelled my last name wrong may have affected the payment." said the unnamed umpire. "*&$%## you, you #$%#& hobbit" yelled an unruly Duke. The rest of the game went according to plan as the Hammers and th Hobbit took game 1 11-9.

Game 2 on Diamond 1 started apparently with Rick Suave onthe mound looking for his first win of the year and the rest of the Mladios in the parking lot looking for their 6th beers of the nite as lonely faux fireman Rick fell behind 12-0 after 3 innings of play. Sensing his record may fall to 0-5 he quickly changed his lavalife profile to invite all Mladio players to meet him on diamond 1 at 9-15. Unforunatly the invite was about 20 mins too late as Kirbys/BLuesox/Early D1 cruised to a 16-6 victory, dropping Suave's season record to 0-5. "Je déteste cette équipe," said Sauve, "ils suis dehors pour m'obtenir. Je ne peux pas faire confiance à n'importe qui."
Player of the game honors went to el Presidente Paddy Strandlund who threw out 5 of 6 would be base stealers from Mladios from behind the plate. Also a nod to Mladio Rich Gabriel who collected career hit number 3500 in the 4th inning of game #1.
Meanwhile on Diamond 2 the Jackhammer minus theyre proven leader Travis I had stuck it to the deflated Dukes coming within a 4th inning homer of ending the game before the fifth. "I have no idea how we gave up the run ," said the easily picked on Connor Abbott as he slid into second on a walk. Bob Greise threw 2 touchdown passes for the '72 Dolphins/ Jackhammers in the win as they remained undefeated on the year. In all fairness to the Abbott his glove was great as well and the Hammers held on 16-11 in the victory over the overrated Dukes.
Bullets vs Twisters... in progress at press time. (The betting in the parking lot around 9 PM wa for this game to be a split with Twister winning there game by more than Blullets would win there game.)
BLues/Diegos vs Team Worth... in progrees at press time. (The same drunks who set the line on the other late game were calling this one a sweep for the Blues however n one thought the games would be blow outs so who knows. Good Luck to all those taking in part in the late games.

Week 4 - Pass
Uh.. Im gonna pass on this week not much exciting happened. Bullets didnt show. Hammers swept. (yawn) Mladios swept but managed to avoid Rick Sauve(0-4) winning a game on the mound. Kirbys Bluesox/Early D1 split witht he Dukes Late on diamond 1.
WEEK 3 - Sneakers, Mutiny and the Old Man
Under what Blaine Coulture and Ed Bain could only describe as the nicest day of the year Week 3 Paddy Strandlund call in some old favours to get freshly appointed Pope Benedictine XVI throw out the first pitch to an honored Mladio Launa Nikkels. This would be the high point of the night for Mladios and according to the team they should have packed their gear at this time and gone home, hall of fame owner, GM, and coach Ryan Goss told his team to play on in a decision which may cost him his jobs by week 4.
The week would see Mladios start early on diamond 1 vs the upstart Bullets while Kirbys/Bluesox/Early Diamond 1 took in the festivities from the comfort of home on closed circuit RAPcam waiting til dark to almost dismantle the Blues/Diegos. Ealry on Diamond 2 the Dukes tried to continue their winning ways against the Twisters and in the nightcaps on diamond 1 the Jackhammers stayed undefeated against a solid Team Worth squad.
The hoopla surrounding the new pope allowed the Bullets to sneak out to an early lead as Mladios were sharing bread and wine with the pontiff. Turns out once Mladios took the diamond that the Bullets were not in fact sneaking at all but just better on the occasion taking out Mladios by a final of about 11-9. "I feel dispite this slow start my job is very safe as owner, GM, and manager," said a confident Ryan Goss as he folded an 8 3 iduring the between games Mladios poker event won eventually by Blair Spence.

Down on Diamond 2 the Twisters, led by the steller defense of 3rd basewomen Carman (last name withheld) and the bat of sure first ballot hall of famer Chirs Joynson who picked up career hit number 3,993 passing freshly retired Dick Eden on the all-time list, jumped out to an early 4-1 lead and never looked back taking out the previously undefeated Dukes by a 7-3 final.
"We really have to thank the old bum heckling them fromt the street" said (last name withheld).
"We had no business being undefeated and now maybe we can sneak back into obscurity" said Duke rightfielder Chuck Koller, oddly using a tough word like obscurity.
The old bum on the 3rd base side turned out to be good luck for no one as the Dukes squeeked in 3 runs in the bottom of 7 to split with the Helen Hunt sponsored Twisters. "#$%&#$ you, you sissies," yelled the old man as he was lured from the scene by the smell of free corn chowder.

Back on diamond 1 Mladios still fiddling around with their free Pope hats and robes again fell behind the Bullets early and again fell by 2 in the end. This dispite the heroic efforts of both injured golfer Rich Gabriel who made his season debut (at first base for all you rotisserie fans) and faux fireman Rick SAUVE who raced from, either dinner with his daughter or several lava encounters depending on who tells the story but sufficed to say he was sent to the mound completely unprepared and saw his record drop to 0-4 on the year. On a brighter note Tammy picked up her game a notch as she posted her first couple of hits for 2005.

As the nightcaps started the Hammers decided to get back to there cooler as fast as possible and beat a talented Team Worth team by 10 twice in a row. "On paper we can compete with them but tonite was another story," said an unamed Team Worthian that wasnt Barnesy or Billy (hey its dark in that parking lot and sometimes blurry so im not gonna know who everyone is, also I just made it up so really could have been anyone). "We dont like being separated from the mother ship during late games," quipped new (old) guy Al Nailor.

Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1) playing late on diamond 2 split with Blues/Diegos after taking game 1 convincingly and jumping out to a huge 14-1 lead in game 2. "The bullpen completly collapsed on us," el presidente Paddy Strandlund said, "it was a complete and total meltdown, disgusting!"

Meanwhile in the parking lot an angry mob carrying torches and pitchforks had surrounded Mladio owner, GM, coach and beat the streak leader Ryan Goss. "Were looking to make a change and we figured burning Ryans car and threatening him with pitchforks would be the best move at this point," said the ringleader of the mutiny Rick SAUVE, "first he files a blister on Sas' pitching hand down til he gives her tendonitis then calls me away from an important meal to come out and get lit up for my fourth loss he cant do that Im Rick SAUVE." "Hes right, he is Rick Suave," said Blair Spence secretly wanting to say that he would make a great new coach.
"Why would any team try to get rid of a sure Hall of Fame owner, GM, and coach?" asked Pope Benedictine XVI, "how quickly they forget the many years of outstanding perfomance Goss has gotten out of a mediocre line-up and Richie. I remember back when I was a lowly Cardinal how Jesus and I would marvel at the abilitys of the Mladio leader while watching tournaments on the great Vatican sattellite service. If they fire him those mutinous dogs can all go to hell, and believe me I can make it happen."
With that kind of support it appears Goss will return next week in search of his 10,000 career win as manager against Twisters... late on diamond 2.

Week 3 poll:
If Ryan Goss is fired (by himself so dont hold your breath) who should replace him as M'ladios' field manager?

Blair 0%
Joe Torre 1%
Little Gord 2%
Evil Gord 2%
Any othe Gord 3%
Ryan Goss (reworked contract) 85%
Billy Martin (Pope says he can make that happen too) 7%

WEEK 2 - Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory

As possibly the greatest pope in history lay still warm in the ground with no apprentice on the horizon the city of Victoria saw it fit to raise the flag to full mast to see week 2 break ground on diamond one early without Kirbys/Bluesox. As Guns 'n' Roses lead guitarist Slash played the national anthem wearing a Full House jersey things were set to begin week 2.

Game 1 on diamond 1 saw the Twisters take on the best overseas scouting had to offer against the Blues. Starting pitcher Yoa Ming Ichiro Park mowed through the Tiwsters line up like Norm through a free beer though 5 innings as the Blues built an insurrmountable 7 run lead. When all was said and done the Blues were tiumphant and possably over confident as chief scout Mark sent the entire scouting staff to an early dinner guarenteeing a sweep. "We cant lose," said Farrell' "have you seen us play? Its a total team effort from top to... those guys who step on the field.... the players I think they're called."

Meanwhile on diamond 2....

Travis started the festivities by showing Paddy how to really sell chocolates by turning over the Jackhammers Ebay choccy sales of well over $300,000. "You cant sell them for $3 a piece you gotta use the marketplace!" yelled Shaw. Unfortunatly for the 'Hammers it was Paddys neighbour Bob who was the recipient of the first golden ticket (details to follew week 6).
On the field the 'Hammers made short work of the still warming Kirbys/Bluesox/Diamond 1 Early by a score of approxiamatly 14-6. "We should be winning by far more," said Hammer Connor Abbott as he dove into first base up by 12.

Back on Diamond 1 the now scoutless BLues/Diegos were in a bit of trouble as the Twisters were keeping things close. "Have you seen this match up on paper?" asked BLues Patriarch Mark FArrell, "were outstanding, almost unbeatable." That forshadowing would proove true as Twisters outsmarted the helpless Blues/Diegos out of a point by tying game 2 after a great intentional walk in the 7th inning. "Cant yoiu see how good we are?" asked 1991 coach of the year Mark Farrell. "No." was the only answer that could be heard over the BLues/Diegos post game music of MC Hammer rapping about not being able to touch someting.

Back on diamond 2...

The Hammers refused to give up the relentless beatings they have been handing RAP teams for too many years as they again took down the still warming Kirbys/Bluesox/early diamond 1 down by a score of approxiamatly 14-6.
"Anyone can see by our name werent meant to be down here with the commoners," said el Presidente Strandlund, "what do you expect under these conditions? Wheres all that dam unicef money going???? Who authorized the planting of these trees????"
Nate Noseworthy went 8 for 8 in the double header for the Hammers and as Travis chased him around the park for whatever was lucky in his pants he couldnt leave the chocolate empire alone. "We sold 3 boxes of chocolate covered almonds to the guy pissing on the fence behind our bench in the third inning alone," said chocolate barren Travis. "I know we might lose one day on the field, but no one will ever out play us in the snack situation... Noseworthy Ill give you $15 and 3 almonds bars for your fancy pants," as an unknown Hammer rolled a cigarette of what appeared to this reporter to be some sort of garnish.

As the temperature slowly snuck before the temperature of the beers, the Dukes opened the second series of games on diamond 1 by falling behind early to a solid Bullets team who appeared very strong.
By the turn of the third inning the Dukes had taken the handle of the game back thanks in small or possibly large oart to the play of AA call up Rippers wife who was smashing the ball around the park and maing plays like a true Big (RAP) leaguer. When all was said and done and the kids were heading for 10 mins of your pwn beer the Dukes had pulled out a 12 or so to 6 or so win.

Back on diamond 2...
After a week 1 where they very well should have won 2 games but came up short by 1 Richie the Mladios took on a spirited Team Worth squad with 1 less Rich than they started last week with. After nearly throwing in the towell after falling behind 1-0 somewhow the LAds and Lassios trudged on and tooka huge 12-2 from the stunned Team Wirth squad. "I may quit right now," Announced an anonomous Worthian, "our only chance in game 2 is if they get Sas of the mound and bring in the 0-2 Rick Suave.
Upon reading the game 1 post game interview transcript, Mladios and Mladilasses head coach and GM Ryan Goss sent that very (0-2) Rick Suave out to the mound assuming either he would pick up his first win of '05 or Tammy would pick up her first hit of '05. Much like playing back to back duece 7 off suits both assumptions came up short as Team Worth Hall of Famer G Barnes hit game winning slicing home run past Mladio Darren who lost the ball in the lights of his palm pilot as organized a Jeune Bros backdrop for Lambrick Park.

As Diamond 1 cleaned up the festivities for week 2 the Bullets looked to break the curse of the Bullets and take theyre first points of 2005. After taking a lead umpire (Ray) Charles called open inning and the Bullets were seeni in their Diamond 1 dugout counting both points until 5th and 6th innign rally s from the Duke girls (none of whom really know who the hell the Dukes are yet) saw the Bullet lead disintigrate and the Dukes steal one in the night.

Week 2 Poll:
Who should be the next Pope?:
All the Jackhammers: 17%
Pope John Paul III: 14%
Mark Farrell crusader: 13%
Im Jewish: 12%
Brad Pitt: 10%
That last guy was OK re-elect him: 10%
ALF: 8%
I read your site last week leave me alone: 8%
Connor Abbott: 4%
Connor you cant come on her and vote for yourself: 4%

WEEK 1 - The World of Hoth

Week 1 began on the frozen world of Hoth. Walking past an array of fallen Ton-tons President Paddy led his Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1) to battle, early on diamond 1 against Team Worth. As the umpire reached chapter 2 in his manual he declared 'Play Ball' and, with a wind chill of -6 the 2005 Div 1 season was underway. Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1)jumped out to an early lead and never looked back taking the game easily. "If the rest of the season goes like this we should be very rich,... very rich," announced an unknown member of Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1).

Meanwhile on Diamond two, where the windchill was already hitting -15 the Blues/Diegos rode the offense coralled by Mark in the off season, on an exotic scouting mission, to a 1 run victory over the Bullets. Kudos to Jose Miguel Antonio Vasquez on his 3 RBIs in the victory.

"We have 3 new players and are just starting to gel as a team'" said a Bullet between games right before they fell even harder to Mark's band of travelling thieves in game 2 by a score of who cares to really no one cares.

Back on Diamond 1, Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1)'s dominance of Team Worth had evaporated as The Worths hammered Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1) by at least 2 or 3 runs. "It was true redemption after game one'" said Worth member G Barnes,"who knew they would win a game this year but when we learned it was against us we were quite upset, I mean in game 1 we had half our players in the parking lot fighting curling fans to place our parking passes. At least in game 2 we had a full squad."

"We know that with a steady array of games early on diamond 1 we can sneak up on some teams in the standings." said president Strandlund.

The second set of games saw M'ladios fall behind the 8-ball against the Dukes 2-1 after an inning of play. An event which saw M'ladios head coach Ryan Goss to call for the pit boss to come forth and verify the first inning.

In the mismatch of the evening the Jackhammers had jumped out to a small 18-0 lead before Paddy and Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1)had finished thier first pint. Dispite the score Coach Shaw put out his beast AL NailHer who lived up to his name and sent the game to the break early. A part of a Twister had been left in foul territory the game was called on account of the fact that it wasn't worth playing in in the first place.

On diamond 2, the diamond Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1) wouldnt be found dead anywhere near, the dukes had extended there 2-1 lead to 6-5 and taken game one from the M'ladios, after the umpire tried his best to corral Rick Sauve in the batters box he finally busted him for leaving the plate early, only to find he had saved Mr Suave from a massive fine as his out of the box antics had occured on a strike 3 so far foul archeaologists will be searching for the ball after were all dead and gone.

The final game on diamond one was a barn burner as the Jackhammers edged out the Twisters 7-0 withoout a pitch being thrown. "We'll make this up later," said a naive Twister on the way to the parking lot. "Yeah sure," said the entire Jackhammer team looking forward to some mid-season batting practice.

"There is no way that game will ever be made up," said President Strandlund, "the Twister simply didnt have enough players, and we dont have the umpiring staff to cover such a make-up."

As the windchill hit a gross -25 the Richie-less M'ladios took a 2 run lead into the bottom of the 7th only to see the beer-ssesion close early and the lead dissipate as the wily vet Agnew stood at the plate with 2 out and former Full House member Evil Grant standing at second with the game tied. A shot defleceted up the middle scored Evil Grant on a play made close thanks to an inhuman throw by David D. "I had to call him safe," said umpire, guy in the white shirt,"everyone wanted to go home."

The prophetic words words from umpire were close to reality.. no one really wanted to be there in the first place.

Week 1 Polls:
Who will win RAP Div 1 First Season:
Jackhammers 37%
Paddy 21%
Dukes 15%
M'Ladios 14%
Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1) 7%
Fokker 3%
Pocket 9s 3%

If you could sign as a freeagent with any team who would it be?
Jackhammers 37%
Paddy 21%
Dukes 15%
M'Ladios 14%
Kirbys (Blue Sox) (Early Diamond 1) 7%
Fokker 3%
Pocket 9's 3%


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