Apr 1/20
4:26 pm

The Rhino Hunters F.C.




Team Ticker:
  • The new winter schedule has arrived...
  • Please email for your official copy...
  • 13 of 14 games are on Sunday nights this season...
  • The first game is January 9th, 2005 at 8:30pm...
  • The cost for this season will be $100 each...please bring cash or a cheque on January 9th, 2005.

Welcome to the Rhino Hunters new website!!


February 16, 2005. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters Head Coach and General Manager Chris Laing, since receiving confirmation on his proposal to marry has announced he will be accepting applications for his wedding party. Long time friend Lee Cavazzi, thinking he was a shoe in for "Best Man" honors will have to step in line with everybody else... shocking! More information to follow shortly.


January 5th, 2005. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters new schedule has arrived! Please email Chris Laing at for your official copy and to confirm you're playing this season.

Thank you.

The Management.


December 15th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters have announced that they will be holding their 2nd Annual Awards BBQ at The Laing residence in early January. The date of the event has not been finalized, so please email your suggestions to Similar to last year, this event will combine food, drinks and awards. This season, everyone will have the opportunity to nominate people for Rhino Hunters awards. If you choose to nominate someone for an award, please email the following questions and answers to

1. Who is the "Top Female Defensive Player"?
2. Who is the "Top Male Defensive Player"?
3. Who is the "Top Goaltender"?
4. Who is your "Unsung Hero - Female"?
5. Who is your "Unsung Hero - Male"?

Finally, the Rhino Hunters also have "special" awards given out each year to "special" individual players. Last season, Chris Laing acted as the MC for the evening and handed out these awards. This season, there will be a new MC for the evening, who will be asked to hand out the "special" awards. Please vote for who you'd like to see MC the 2nd Annual Rhino Hunters Awards BBQ by email your suggestion to Any current Rhino Hunters player (other than Chris Laing) is acceptable to vote for.

6. Who would you like to MC this year's awards BBQ?

Stay tuned for the results...


November 19th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters are flying high after defeating The Coyotes 7-3 this week to win their 8th straight game. In net, Leonardo Cavazzio is making all the easy saves look tough and the tough saves look easy, while rookie sniper Jeff Nolan continues his Esa Tikkanen like season by pissing every opposition team off with his hustle, tough play and quick verbal comebacks. The defense is led by the nimble back-line pair of Cameron Thompson and Jillian Hales, while Michelle Bodnarchuk and Michael Connolly continue to "muck" it up in the corners. The female content is lead by sometimes scorer Kelly Laing, who has been invited by Saskatchewan Roughriders Head Coach, Danny Barrett, to try out this off-season for his team's now vacant place kicking position. Last week, Barrett, while he was in town for the CFL's Western Division Final, took in a Rhino Hunters game at Sportstown and saw K. Laing hit 5 through the uprights with precision accuracy. Barrett's comment to Rhino Hunters General Manager, Chris Laing, was, "WOW, that girl hits everything high and straight, she can't keep anything on the ground". Leading the club up front is Michael Lazaruk, a baseball player turned soccer player who only hits "balls" with his left foot or his left palm! The Rhino Hunters take on the Killer V's this week in a battle for 1st place.


The Rhino Hunters have finally ordered their new uniforms!!

Rhino Hunter Management


November 11, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters have been warned by the commissioner of indoor soccer to tone down their act. The warning comes after the Rhino Hunters recorded three yellow cards in their 4-3 victory over West Beach this week. The Hunters first yellow card went to Jeff Nolan for a tough tackle along the players bench, side boards. Nolan's tough tackle became questionable when the opposition player pouted and cried to the referee for a foul. The Rhino Hunters second yellow card went to Michael Connolly for repeated rough play in his own end. Connolly was throwing shoulders, grabbing jerseys and peforming head-lock take-downs on smaller opposition players. Connolly was given a "time-out" by the referee. The final yellow card went to Head Coach and General Manager, Chris Laing, for a tap on an opposition player that knocked him over. When Laing heard the ensuing cries from the player, he replied "this is adult soccer son". Aside from the three yellow card infractions, the Rhino Hunters played a physical brand of indoor soccer all game. Goalkeeper, Lee Cavazzi, took on an opposition player in a 50/50 challenge and won. Fortunately for Cavazzi, the opposition player was a girl. The Rhino Hunters look to continue their winning way on Sunday November 14th, 2004 at 7pm.


October 28th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters management is pleased to announce that they have stopped, for now, a potentially devistating man of corruption. Former Rhino Hunters goalkeeper, Andrew Laurie, who is actively seeking a return to the Rhino Hunters net, was pursued and apprehended by Rhino Hunters management outside the Sportstown Arena on Monday night following the Rhino Hunters 9-4 victory over the T-Bones. Laurie, who has publically pleaded to Rhino Hunters Head Coach, Chris Laing, to be added to the club's active roster before the season's finished, was found lurking behind cars in the Sportstown parking lot. It's believed that Laurie was waiting for current Rhino Hunters keeper, Lee Cavazzi, to emerge from the arena following the game. During his 3 hour interogation by Rhino Hunters management, Laurie admitted that he had developed a plan that would see him regain the Rhino Hunter starting goalkeeper position by injuring Cavazzi, but Rhino Hunter management has their own conspiracy theory. Rhino Hunters General Manager, Chris Laing, offered this comment, "we believe that Mr. Laurie was planning to injure Mr. Cavazzi tonight. The way we see it, Mr. Laurie had developed a plan that would see him perform a Jeff Gilhooly versus Nancy Kerrigan style clubbing to Mr. Cavazzi's right knee and left hand. We believe he wanted to immobolize Cavazzi by rendering him unable to walk and unable to catch, and therefore, unable to play in net for the Rhino Hunters this season. Rhino Hunters management believes that this was Mr. Laurie's plan of attack for Monday night following the game. We apprehended Mr. Laurie beside Mr. Cavazzi's car and the rest will be sorted out in a court of law. Finally, the Rhino Hunters have increased security presence for post-game media scrums with Mr. Laurie in mind". As it stands now, Andrew Laurie will have some legal bills to attend to and Lee Cavazzi will continue to be the Rhino Hunters starting goal keeper until further notice. The Rhino Hunters next game is Monday, November 1st.


October 20th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters F.C. are pleased to announce that they have signed an agreement with The Giraffe Stranglers, a minor league co-ed recreation league soccer club that plays at Sportstown on Tuesday nights. The Rhino Hunters plan to use their new minor league club as a feeder team to the "big" club, as Stranglers players may be called up to replace injured Rhino Hunters and some may be invited to Hunters' training camp each season. Rhino Hunters Coach, General Manager and Head Scout, Chris Laing, had this to say about his new minor league club, "The Hunters are excited to finally announce this agreement, as it's been a long time in the works. This agreement is great for the club because we now have a place to send our rookies and less experienced players". The Rhino Hunters are also pleased to announce that they have signed two players to minor league contracts. Andrew Laurie, who left the club after last season to pursue other sporting options, and Peter Hannaway, who also left following last season to follow his dream of playing professional floor hockey, are the first two players to sign with the minor league Giraffe Stranglers. Each player approached Laing to inquire about rejoining the Rhino Hunters, and each player was told the same thing, "The Rhino Hunters are prepared to offer you a minor league contract and, as long as you adhere to the 'Rhino Hunter handbook for rejoining the big club' with dedication, you will be given every opportunity to rejoin The Rhino Hunters". The Rhino Hunters next game is Monday October 25th, 2004 at Sportstown Arena.


October 13th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters' defeated FC Bugs 9-7 this week in a hard faught battle. Although the victory was sweet, the Hunters' victory did expose a weekness. The Hunters' self-professed "play making" centre/"stay at home" defenseman, Cameron Thompson, asked to be promoted to the first line this week in hopes of better utilizing his gifted left foot and crowd pleasing headers. Thompson, who has recently been playing with the "left-overs" on the third line, had this comment following his FC Bugs performance, "I'd like to thank Coach Laing for the opportunity he gave me tonight, but I feel as though I let him down. I told coach that I could raise my level of play this week and he gave me the chance to prove myself on the first line. I feel that my performance this week was only average and that's not good enough with the indoor soccer potential that I have". Laing offered this comment following the victory, "Thompson can never tell me that I didn't give him a shot. He asked for it, he got it and he wasted it. Thompson's only redeeming quality is that he consistantly endulges in a pop or two with the team after the game. This may help him when we shorten the bench come playoff time". The Rhino Hunters' next game is Monday October 18th, 2004 at 7pm.


October 7th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters' awesome victory over The Quake this week was not without disappointment. It is with regret that Rhino Hunters Coach and General Manager, Chris Laing, has announced that Lee Cavazzi is on the trading block. Cavazzi, who is an original member of the Rhino Hunters Football Club, is currently being shopped to other Monday night, co-ed recreation league clubs. In return for Cavazzi, The Rhino Hunters are actively pursuing a new pair of goalie gloves to replace the ones Cavazzi washed. When asked for comment, Laing had very little to say except, "Cavazzi was TOLD not to wash the goalie gloves and he didn't listen...he washed them anyway. This tells me that Cavazzi does not respect the words of a cagey veteran like myself, and that he may have further problems following directions in the future. The Rhino Hunters want to "nip" this before it gets too far". Laing also offered this comment about Cavazzi's Monday night performance, "Cavazzi may have let in the worst goal in Rhino Hunter history. Any time a ball is rolling towards the goal from the corner, not even rolling in a direction to go in the net, I don't believe it should ever end up in our goal. Cavazzi, and his freshly washed gloves, misplayed the ball into our own net in expert fashion. That goal will be tough to match in Rhino Hunter futility!"


September 27th, 2004. Richmond BC. The Rhino Hunters F.C. are pleased to announce the signing of scoring sensation Michelle Bodnarchuk. Bodnarchuk comes to The Rhino Hunters after 20 solid years of retirement, including the final 5 years participating in shuffle-board at the retirement games which are held at the Minoru Senior's Centre on Granville Street in Richmond every July. Before retiring from soccer pre-maturely at the age of 7, Bodnarchuk could have been seen running all over the pitches of Richmond during Under 8 soccer games. The only complaint from her former coach is that Bodnarchuk wasn't chasing after the ball, she was running away from her parents! The Rhino Hunters President and General Manager, Chris Laing, offered this comment following the Bodnarchuk signing announcment, "The Rhino Hunters are extremely pleased to have Bodnarchuk in the fold. She brings a tenacious defense, a deadly left foot and a precious scoring touch. Of course, according to the contract Bodnarchuk signed, her parents will only be allowed to watch from the upper bar area and they will only be able to converse with her following the game. The Rhino Hunters would like to remove any potential distractions from Bodnarchuk's game".


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