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KOLLER TRIUMPHANT AT ANTIQUES TOURNY, LEAVES TEAMMATES IN HIS WAKE
COLVILLE---- For the first time in recent memory a Duke spent Sunday afternoon counting more than just empty beer cups. Chuck Koller was adopted by the Spencer Floor Hockey team which pounded the rest of the field at the Antiques Tourny this weekend.
"I just can't believe it's finally happened," said Koller while he rolled around on a large pile of 20's, "I thought I'd never win another tourny, at least not til I sign with M'ladios in the off-season.. this was a pleasant surprise."
As Koller lugged his obese wallet around the gardens, the rest of the Dukes who played in the tourny were not as pleased as the mighty rightfielder. "I can't believe this keeps happening," said Duke/Dumbass pitcher Kurt Hartwig from behind a pile of plastic beer cups, "if my mom was here she'd be chasing us around the field with a rolled up newspaper."
HAMMERS SWEEP DUKES, GM TALKING TO CANSECO, BAILEY LEFT WITHOUT PARKING PASS
RAP----- Despite the early possibility of a rainout the Dukes were unable to gain the split via mother nature and lost both ends of the double header, 11-5 and 10-9.
Early in the day it appeared there may be no games as the remenants of Hurricane Frances poured down on the lush fields of RAP. "If this keeps up theres no way anybodys playing on my fields," said the old RAP worker in the purple coat. Unfortunatly for the struggling Duke offence the skies cleared and softball was played... at least by one of the two teams. The Hammer offence jumped out to an early lead in game one and never looked back beating up Duke pitching for 11 runs and leaving a Duke offense who have averaged a meager 7 runs over there last 7 games in a hole they had no business digging out of.. and they didnt managing only 5 runs of veteren Hammer pitcher Dick Eden. "I just tried to keep the ball down and put it in play," said Eden who struck out 1 over his 7 innings of work.
Game two saw the Hammers jump out ot an early 3-0 lead n the first. After the Dukes accidently pushed a few runs across the plate the game was tied 5-5 after 5. Then Tim Waller breathed some life into the Dukes with a 3 run homer past an overmatched Conner Abbot in left field leaving a surprised Duke bench up 8-5. "I knew we were going to win anyway, so I didn't really try for it," Abbot said at the post-game press conference. He was corect as the Duke defense could do nothing as they watched Jeff (last name witheld) hit a 3 run homer over player of the week Cindy Zboyovsky to complete a 5 run bottom of the sixth and the Hammers with a 2 run lead. It was a lead the Dukes could only cut in half leaving the victorious Hameers with a 10-9 decision. As three cheers went up for both sides Duke manager Aaron Olsen was only left with half a $4 beer and these comments "I dont know what it will take for us to figure out how to start winning these 1 run games but I need another beer."
The answer to Olsen's prayers may come in the preson of exiled majour leaguer Jose Canseco. With 2 league games left in the regular 2nd season talks have heated up between Olsen and Canseco's agent, Jeff Boras. After trading 2 old Worth ESTs the Dukes may have freed up enough money to sign Canseco for the remaining pair of games as well as for the league play-offs slated to begin in 10 days. "We've been talking to a lot of available players," said assistant GM Gord Williams, "sure we've talked to Boras about Jose we've also talked to (Chris) Sabo's agent and directly to Dante Bichette, but until you see these guys in a Duke's jersey, nothing has been done. When asked if who would be sent down to AAA Tudor House affiliate The Storm, Williams refused comment. "We've got some flexibility as far as salaries go right now," he said, "but as far as who we send down, is up in the air. We have Chuck Koller who's hurting right now and may be placed on the DL we just can't say. We should know more after Chuck has an MRI." An MRI is scheduled for Koller's back is scheduled for late December, perhaps to late to save the Duke's season.
In other Dukes news a digruntled Steve Bailey was seen walking down Pembroke Street two hours after the end of the double dip in an apparent parking pass mishap. "I just want to find my truck," he said, "so piss off." An attitude which seemed to be shared by most Dukes at the end of the day.
DUKES SIGN TOP FLIGHT BIRD IN HOPES OF TURNING TIDE OF HAMMERS DESTRUCTION
Lake Cowichan------ After many tournaments the Dukes have been unable to find an answer to their rivals the Jackhammers. After hours of contemplation the Duke front office may have found the answer, Bill the Chicken. Late Monday nite after a 8-7 extra inning finals loss to the Hammers, Dukes President and General Manager Aaron Olsen put the finishing touches on the deal with Tyler Chicken of Tyler, Arkansas, which will see mascot Bill the Chicken heading North to Canada in exchange for some smoked salmon and a Victoria Royals hat. Bill known for his amazing inspirational feather flapping moments and his ability to attack umpires will hopefully inspire the sagging Dukes, as well as take the pressure off the coaching staff after bad calls.
"I just hope we can find a way for Bill to get along with (current mascot) Caper (the dog) ," coach Olsen said, "but we are certainly looking forward to any boost he can give us."
Although unable for comment at press time rumour from Arkansas has it that Bill ate twice his normal supply of grain after hearing the news of the deal.
Due to visa problems, apparently with the can of salmon being unable to enter the US for at least 3 months Bill wont make his Duke debut until 2005. However Olsen hopes the team can see the team can see excitement on the horizon and finish 2004 strong.