"Game's Over" wins our injury of the week. We sympathize with you as you attempt to get out of bed this morning
Countdown to Dickwood Open 2006 (Aug 19/06)
Weber takes the championship and the Wimbledick trophy is back where it belongs!!br />
Hello and welcome to the website devoted to everyone's favorite tennis club, Dickwood Tennis. Each year the competition continues to evolve and this year is no different. Everyone is pumped for the upcoming season and it will begin on July 9th with the ever popular Wimbledick. Then, in late August the season will end with the Dickwood Invitational. Keep checking back to this site for news, updates, and tournament results.
August 10th, 2008 SCANDAL AT BIG LAKE--
Controversy rocks Dickwood once again as longtime Dickwood visitor and 2008 Wimbledick champion Eric "Points are Few" Weber left the compound late Saturday night with a severe sprain in his right ankle. This injury comes just hours before the inaugural Dickleball tournament kicks off. Coincidence? I don't think so. Accident? Or sabatage.
Halfway through a friendly basketball game between Weber and Dickwood newcomer Justin "The Chosen One" Allen, Weber pulled up lame, writhing in pain, and was forced into dropping out of Sunday's Dickleball tournament. According to Dickwood maintenance officials, "something just doesn't add up". Although Dickwood president Dick Johnson was unavailable for comment, I spoke with Allen late Saturday night. He seemed very reluctant to comment on the "accident". He sputtered these words. "I didnt see nothin. He rolled his ankle. That's it". However, according to longtime Dickwood favorite and the recipient of the 2006 Golden Groin award, Gary Johnson was not afraid to tell us what he saw. "It was terrible, the way he went down, I thought for sure it was his groin. He's lucky, it could've been a lot worse." Johnson then disclosed to us what he saw after the injury. "It happened so fast. All I remember is hearing a rustling behind some bushes after Weber hobbled off the court. There was a feeling in the air that just felt wrong." We then spoke to basketball spectator Sydney "Super Freak" Johnson about what she saw. "It was difficult to make out, bugs were filling the air, but I definitely saw something streak out of the bushes. It was just a brief flash of pink, and it was gone." Upon further investigation and cooperation from Dickwood security, we obtained security tapes from that evening.
The tapes reveal that there is far more than what meets the eye. It appears as if someone didn't want Weber to be the King of Dickleball, stopping at nothing to make sure he wouldn't be a problem. Upon close inspection of the security tapes, it appears as if one of the court's tiles had been altered. Undoubtedly, this is what led to the infamous sprain. And that rustling in the bushes? Security tapes clearly reveal a delighted, giggling Carolyn "The Cat" Johnson crouched behind the begonias in her hot pink crocs. The Cat was unreachable for comment but was spotted on the sky chair reading the biography of Tanya Harding. Coincidence? Or a blatant attempt to stop greatness? You decide. Nobody knows how deep this thing goes, but I'd like to leave you with one last thought. Dick "The Great One" Johnson once asked, "What happend to the bobba?" I say, what happend to honor and sportsmanship?
July 9, 2006. "Lemme see your groin" procclaimed a defeated Gary "Game's over" Johnson. Those infamous words summed up the feelings of all competitors as they watched Mike "The Champion" Johnson claim his second consecutive Wimbledick and his record setting third straight Dickwood Tennis Event. The Champion was trailing Eric "Points are Few" Weber 2 games to 1 but in champion fashion, Johnson came back to win the prestigious Wimbledick Cup 3 games to 2. Some other notable games include Wimbledick comeback of the year as Dick "The Great One" returned from a 2-0 deficit to defeat Doug "Backcourt" Johnson in the quarterfinals. Meanwhile, in other quarterfinal action, Brian "The has been" Weber made "The Champion" sweat as Johnson just squeaked by Weber in an excellent match with plenty of snappy serves and long ralleys. Finally, on a sad note, Gary "Games Over" Johnson lived up to his name as he was forced to back out of competition due to a severe groin injury. Prior to the injury, Gary narrowly missed a ride in an ambulance while he was nearly strung up by the net. Despite "Game's Over's" ability to bounce back from that near miss, the heat of competition would soon prove too much for Johnson as he gingerly hobbled off the court. As "Game's Over" sat as a spectator with an ice cream bar in his hand and a bag of ice in his pants, he had this to say. "I should've stretched!".
This year's wimbledick was surrounded by a little controversy, lots of anticipation, and a ton of hype. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that it didn't dissapoint. I'd like to thank everyone for their help and cannot wait to see everybody back at Wimbledick court in mid-August for the Dickwood Open!
July 7, 2006. As the countdown to Wimbledick 2006 continues, the weather isn't the only thing heating up. It seems as if controversy is beginning to surround longtime Dickwood chef and Wimbledick competitor Carolyn "The Cat" Johnson. You'll recall that recently Carolyn inexplicably made the decision to switch from energy packed grilled meats such as chicken, hamburgers, and hot dogs to some sort of shredded turkey which contains the chemical triptofan. We all know from our Thanksgiving Day cat naps that this chemical is known to cause drowsiness. Carolyn was unreachable to discuss the matter, but the rest of the field is buzzing about it. "All I know is, I'm not going to be filling up on her shredded turkey while she's in the locker room having a good laugh and eating a power bar", procclaimed an angry Gary "Game's over" Johnson. Will the competition fall asleep while Carolyn Johnson collects her first Wimbledick Cup? Only time will tell.
July 6, 2006. Despite the fact that perennial powerhouse Mike Johnson will be competing this year, the rest of the field refuses to take a back seat to the 2005 Dickwood Player of the Year. I recently caught up with a leaner, meaner Linda Johnson in her Ham Lake backyard where she was training hard with husband Dave. I was only able to talk to her for a brief moment between bench presses and situps. She had this to say. "Yeah, Mike has won a few tournaments, so what? I think this year is going to be different. I refused to be pushed around by that young punk." Needless to say ladies and gentleman, this year's Wimbledick will be one for the ages.