Stars 11 Legends 7

This weeks SGR is a series of short stories (or “vignettes” for those of you who are into this 'bilingualism' fad that is sweeping the nation) based on things said at the game Saturday, or shortly thereafter. I like to call this: 'Short Stories Based on Things Said at the Game Saturday, or Shortly Thereafter.'

#1: 'Does anyone have any safety pins?'
This is one of those things you never expected or wished to hear in a dugout along with things like 'Please change my last hit to an error,' or 'No really, leave your equipment bag on the bench, I prefer to sit on the ground,' or 'Has anyone seen my Preparation H? I left it right next to that tube of sunscreen.’ While there were no safety pins to be found, or no one was 'man' enough to admit they had any, the day was saved when quick thinking Slimply used a pair of garden shears from Tup’s eyebrow grooming kit to trim the hem on Crash’s pants. Good thing too as Crash later quashed a rally in the fifth when he was able to run down a hit to the left center gap and gun down the runner at second who assumed Crash’s water sogged pant legs would keep him from making the play. 

#2: 'I save the best for when it counts.'
The Champ was having a bit of a tough go getting his wing unglued during between inning warmups when he let the base ump know he would be ready when it counted. And boy was he. In the third he fielded a sharp one hopper to his left and threw the batter out to end the inning. Then in the fourth he made like a leprechaun and leapt to snag a line drive to end the inning stranding runners on second and third. Not reserving his play just for the field, he also went 3 for 3 knocking in 3 runs. 

#3: “Why is there a broken-down bike sticking out the back of Tup’s jeep?”

Wrong question. The correct question is “what happened to the guy who was riding the broken-down bike sticking out the back of Tup's Jeep, and what was Tup doing digging a hole over by the bushes between innings?” Regardless, Tup continued his hot start to 2017 going 2 for 2 with a walk and scoring twice. Hard to do when the wind keeps blowing your eyebrows in your face.

#4: “What do you keep in that purse?”
I have a strict rule of never asking a guy with a purse in a bar what’s in his purse. I also avoid eye contact and avoid striking up a conversation. I’ve already spoken about this too much. You’ll have to ask Physio what was in the purse. I can confirm that amongst the paraphernalia (look it up) he was able to find a hit, a walk and two runs. No word on whether there may have been safety pins in there.

#5: “Show us your best base coach expressions.” 
Apparently, the only qualification to be the third base coach on this team is how you look. Knowledge of the signals, number of outs, game score, etc, are optional. Coach Big Lar did take time to share his favorite base coach expression which he refers to as “sympathetic fakiness.” To do this you stand with one foot slightly in front of the other, lean forward by bending at the waist, raise both hands towards the player who just committed a major brain fart that will likely cost your team the game, jut out your chin, look him in the eye, and then clap your hands as you say “nice try.” Works best if you pause briefly between ‘nice’ and ‘try.’ In other variations replace ‘nice try’ with “could have happened to anyone,” or “that’s something you don’t see everyday.”

#6: “Let’s stop lollygagging out there!”
Hardcore provided the first between inning inspirational talk of 2017. Seemed a bit early in the season to invoke the “lollygaggers” label, but it did the trick. And at least he didn’t lean forward, clap his hands and say “nice try.”

#7: “Stars 11 Legends 7.”
The Stars defeated the Legends in the second of a Home and Home series this week. Stars offense spread 14 hits around 10 different players resulting in efficient run production with only 7 runners left on base. OConn, Tup, Physio, and Hardcore each scored twice. Big KEN battled thru the first four innings allowing just one run despite three Stars errors. Legends finally broke thru in the fifth scoring 4 runs to close the Stars lead to 7 to 5. ARob took to the mound for the first time in a while in the sixth. He immediately induced (as opposed to caesarian section) two double play ground balls of which the Stars infield turned one, and then left the game after allowing just one unearned run in two innings. Physio came in to throw the last two innings allowing just one unearned run and striking out the final batter to end the game. Overall Stars pitchers allowed 11 hits and 3 walks, while the defense committed 7 errors, but both held tight to allow just 7 runs and stranding 10 runners. 

#8: “I keep other people up at night.”
US Secretary of Defense General James “Mad Dog” Mattis was asked on the weekend what keeps him up at night. He responded: “Nothing. I keep other people up at night.” Winning streaks will do that. 

Next up: The two game homestand at George Pinter Field continues on Saturday against the Eagles.

GO STARS!!!