"Simply" (UPDATED)

Stars 4 Monarchs 0

So after we beat the Monarch, some of us held a party to honor Simpy on his upcoming bethrothment(Look it up. Or ask you wife.) The event was held at a nice downtown establishment that seemed to specialize in such events. In fact there were two groups there with brides-to-be in tow. One group was kind enough to provide Simpy with some, shall we say, 'marital' advice. They thoughtfully wrote these on a baseball for future handy reference. They also provided a practical, real life lesson on what marriage is about from the female perspective. Upon being introduced to Simpy they decided that they didn't like his nickname, and proceeded to change it to "Simply." (As an aside the SGR never really liked the name 'Simpy,' but we're too lazy to do anything about it. Common usage is also putting pressue on changing 'OConn' to 'Chester' and "the Champ' to "Mumbles.' We'll see where those go.)  But back to Simply. The lesson the ladies so kindly demonstarted is that once you are married you lose complete control over every aspect of your life. Even your own nickname isn't safe! So while Simply is already anxious over things like no longer being allowed to keep his baseball bag in his bedroom, he likely should be more concerned about coming home one day to find that the wifey has donated his Star Wars bedsheets to the Salvation Army. Then you'll realize that life as you knew it will never be the same. 

On that happy note, the SGR wishes Mr. and Mrs. Simply a happy and prosperous marriage. In that regard we have gathered some advice about marriage from various Star Wars films that might be of help. These are actual qutes from Star Wars movies that may have not been intended to be advice to people who are about to be married, but seem to work well from what the SGR has learned from actually being married. Here they are in no particular order:

“This is a new day, a new beginning.” – Ahsoka Tano

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda

“Your focus determines your reality.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

“Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi (This one is especially important to remember when your wife asks "Do I look fat in this skirt?")

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.” – Darth Vader (Good retort when the wife expresses doubt regarding your promise to remember to put the toilet seat down.)

“In my experience there is no such thing as luck.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

“Never tell me the odds.” – Han Solo

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” – basically everyone

“It’s a trap!” – Admiral Ackbar

“So this is how liberty dies…with thunderous applause.” – Padmé Amidala