11/23: 2011 in Review

Highlights and Lowlights for Each Cobra during 2011

 

Ben Schroeder-

Highlight- Dominant performance vs Lyon’s Pub

Lowlight-Trying unsuccessfully to fist pump like Germar

Chez-Shaw

Highlight: Good early season showing, yelling at someone that he was going to “impregnate their wife”

Lowlight: Inexplicably leaving to go play with Kahtan in Cousinsex, KY

Billy Diaz-

Highlight- A couple of near no hitters, obliterating the Cobras hit batsmen record

Lowlight- Using a tiny umbrella that barely covered his “circumference” at Cannon Falls

Dahlboy-

Highlight- Long home run at Coon Rapids

Lowlight- Doors blown off several times vs Blue Sox, losing nut cup on 40 day

Q-

Highlight- Couple stretches of constant doubles or home runs

Lowlight-Injuring groin, then jogging around bases like an 80 year old women in later games

JE-

Highlight- Early season hitting and catching about 10 games in a row

Lowlight- Complaining about only hitting the ball far in ballparks with deep fences

Fossan-

Highlight- Pitched well early. Got into a league game.

Lowlight- Nearly self-amputed throwing arm in unfortunate box cutter accident

Lenertz-

Highlight- Excellent defense and surprising pop

Lowlight- Swung at way too many neckballs

Zawacki-

Highlight- Innings eater, threw nearly every game for a while

Lowlight- Almost killed new teammates with car in first game with Cobras. Pouted by a dumpster at Stockmens tourney.

Mase-

Highlight- Long HR on first AB of season, including some pimping of it

Lowlight- Told an even longer version of the “Face Baby” story

Deets-

Highlight- End of the year hitting

Lowlight- Engagement pictures at Parade Stadium did not include Mike Castle or Pedro Homelessman

KT-

Highlight- Hit well in an odd year, bucking the trend of hitting terribly in an odd year.  It was odd

Lowlight- Is gay

Al-Dollar-

Highlight- Game winning HR vs Sport & Spine

Lowlight- Left for Kentucky before he could be fined or mocked for too much

Rink-

Highlight- Urinated on the baseball all year

Lowlight- Skeet skeet skeeted on people with sprayable sunblock shoved in his pants at 40 day.

Adrian-

Highlight-Several pinch hit lasers.

Lowlight- Fell down a lot, including into the ivy while drunkenly peeing so other teammates saw “The Cinnabon”

 Matty G-

Highlight- Overcame a hernia, a bad elbow, and a bad hammy to pitch solidly and consistently at the end of the year.

Lowlight- Not nearly enough to fist pump, chirp, look like Grizzly Adams, not chill out, and throw a fastball that couldn’t break a pane of glass about in 2011

Goose-

Highlight- Solid all year when available

Lowlight- Had to miss a good portion of the early season because Hamline was good. Asked that we not play a game on his anniversary.

Mick-

Highlight-Made strides as a hitter and fielder

Lowlight- Never stuck around to get fined after the game

Wengy-

Highlight- Pitched and hit well when he had the opportunity

Lowlight- Sexually attracted to Pedro Homelessman

Jensen-

Highlight- Diving catch in playoffs that caused an Earthquake in China

Lowlight- Screamed “MEOW” when he popped up to the catcher vs Blue Sox

8/22: Congratulations to Stockmen's Irish, who won their first Class "A" State Championship. Also, congratulations go to Park National teams Lyon's Pub, who finished 2nd, and the Minneapolis Lakers and Minneapolis Angels who also qualified.

7/30: Season Ends with Loss to Rats

The painful 2011 season came to a close as the Cobras lost 8-3 to the Rats. This marks the first time in team history that the Cobras have not at least made it to the double elimination portion of the Park National playoffs. Matty Germar battled through 6 innings and kept the Cobras tied at 3, but the Rats scored 5 in the final 3 innings. Erik Quarberg hit a home run for the Snakes, but it wasn't meant to be.

The Cobras finish 2011 with a 17-21 record. We want to thank all the fans for coming and supporting us, and Miles Jensen for getting a lot of foul balls. We'll be better next year, we promise.

7/26: Cobras beat Coon Rapids, Ride Mo' into Playoffs

In the final regular season game, the Cobras defeated a tough Coon Rapids team 6-5 on Tuesday night, giving them a good quality victory over one of the top teams in Class "B", and hopefully giving a shot in the arm as playoff season approaches. The Cobras smacked 12 hits on the night including HR's by Erik Dahl (who then aggressively ran the bases) and Erik Quarberg (who did not). J.E. Urseth hit a long double also, and then complained that he only hits balls far at big ballparks.

Billy Diaz pitched a strange but effective game, allowing only 3 hits, but tying a Cobras record with 4 hit batsmen. The record he tied was held by..... Billy Diaz. Ben Schroeder pitched a clean 8th and got a hold, and Urseth pitched the 9th for the save. We also found out that the umpire does not like the "F" word, although he is perfectly comfortable with "shit" or "Aww, screw it". Cobras will take on the River Rats on Single Elim Sunday @ Parade Stadium at 6:00. Loser goes home, winner gets to face the Pub.

7/23: Cobras game vs Spring Valley canceled because the home team didn't have enough people. Next game Tuesday 7/26 vs Coon Rapids @ 7:30 at Wintercrest Field in Coon Rapids.

7/20: Cobras beat Eagan, Rink Shines

The Cobras traveled to Eagan on Wednesday a came home with a hard fought 7-6, 10 inning victory over a scrappy Eagan Bandits team. The Cobras got a stellar performance from Matty Germar who went a strong 7 innings allowing 4 hits and walking only 1. The Bandits clawed back to tie it in the 9th, but the Cobras scored the game winner in the 10th on a grounder by Mick Sawinski that eluded the SS. Kevin Truax and Mike Lenertz had 3 hits on the night for the Cobras, and Matt Rink stole the show with a long home run to center, and an improbable steal of home in the 9th. Rink became the first Cobra in the history of the franchise to accomplish that feat. John Wengenroth balked his way thru 2/3 of an inning to get the win, and an angry J.E. Urseth picked up the save, even though he "never pitches after he catches". The Cobras will be off until Saturday when they will travel to somewhere in Wisconsin (near Crystal Cave) to take on the Spring Valley Hawks. Game time is at 2:00.

7/16-17: Cold Spring Tournament

The Cobras made their annual pilgrimage up to Cold Spring, MN for the Cold Spring Tournament this weekend. Game 1 vs the Sauk Rapids Cyclones was a washout as constant, heavy rains killed any hopes of anyone playing Friday night. Game 2 saw the Cobras pitted against a familiar foe, the Brainerd Bees. The Bees jumped out early with 6 runs in the 1st and never looked back. The Cobras cut the lead to 6-4, but could not get any closer. Nick Zawacki allowed only 2 hits after the 1st inning and also got his first base hit as a Cobra, Brian Jensen also added two hits for the Snakes, and after the 1st inning the game went quickly, which was a relief to many as it was 90 degrees and tropical rainforest humid.

In game 2, the Cobras faced off against the hometown Cold Spring Springers. Temperature at game time was 93, and somehow it was even more humid than the day before. The Springers prevailed 2-1, but basically this game became a contest of who could have the quickest inning, as the entire game took just over an hour. JE Urseth was stellar on the mound, allowing only 5 hits and throwing about 47 pitches in 6 innings. The Cold Spring pitchers were equally effective and fast, which made everybody happy. The Cobras got their lone run on a Matt Rink single, a Jensen walk, and a John Wengenroth single. The Cobras only other real opportunity was in the 6th. With one out, Rink walked, and then stole second with 2 outs. Then Jensen hit a hard line drive that was headed up the middle, but instead caught the Cold Spring pitcher in his crotchal area, and he recovered and got the out.

Thanks to Cold Spring again for providing a great venue to play, please turn on the AC next time. Cobras will be off until Wednesday, when they will face the Eagan Bandits. Game time 7:00 at Goat Hill Park in Eagan.

7/12: Schroeder Deals, Cobras Win

Ben Schroeder pitched a complete game 4 hitter as the Cobras concluded their league schedule with a 4-1 win over the 1st place pub. Schroeder was masterful on the night, with 8 K's, 1 walk, and 3 Germar-esque fist pumps. The offense was efficient, scoring runs on a groundout, an error, a 2 out single, and a wild pitch. Kevin Truax was 3-4 for the Cobras, and Matt Rink had 2 hits. This production was in spite of the Snakes being without the services of Mason Reinhart (ankle) and Erik Quarberg (missing groin guard). The Cobras will be up in Cold Spring this weekend for the annual Cold Spring Round Robin Extravaganza beginning at 8:30 Friday, against the Sauk Rapids Cyclones, one of the top teams in Class "B".

7/10: Cobras Lose on Walk Off, Have 40 Day Anyway

The Cobras lost 5-4 to the Angels on Sunday afternoon. It was a painful end to a really entertaining game, where the Angels and Cobras both played pretty well. The Angels put 2 up in the 1st which held up until the 5th when the Cobras got 1 back on an RBI single by Matt Rink. With the Cobras down 3-1 going to the top of the 7th Kevin Truax led off with a hit. Rink followed with another single, and then Erik Dahl singled to right to drive in Truax. After a line out to left, Mason Reinhart singled to score Rink and tie the game at 3. Then Brian Jensen singled to left, scoring Dahl and the Cobras had a 4-3 lead. In the bottom of the 7th after the first man struck out, the Angels got a "single" on a bloop that actually hit Dan Thompson in the shoe and bounced up to Reinhart, but it was a weird play and difficult to call correctly. The next batter sat on a change up and homered to left. It was painful, but congrats to the Angels, who always play with class. Matty Germar was terrific on the hill for the Cobras. Erik Quarberg pulled his groin, and may be out for a week.

It was also 40 day. There was a good amount of drunken revelry, unnecessary fining, broccoli pizza, extremely homosexual antics, forgotten uniform items (including a nutcup), Adrian falling over, Rink face-babying dudes, beanbags in the sun, Nate Broehm, Goose breaking a 40 by throwing it into the other 40's, and other things that will not be mentioned because they might possibly be construed as felonies, and/or civil rights violations.

Cobras will play their last league game of the year vs the Pub on Tuesday and then wait some 2 and a half weeks for playoffs to start which is weird. Game time is 6:15 at Parade Stadium.

7/7: Same Ol' Same Ol'

The Cobras lost Thursday 7-2 to the Patriots. The Cobras were hurt by some hit batsmen, walks and errors, while the Patriots pitcher did a good job over keeping the Cobras off balance. John Wengenroth amazingly fouled a ball off of his inside knee and then rolled around in agony and got very dirty in the process. He is day to day, but then again, aren't we all? Brian Jensen lost the nose piece to his sunglasses before the game and then fruitlessly searched for it all game, before JE Urseth found it postgame in a way different spot. Cobras will resume action Sunday at Noon against the Angels. It's 40 day. Hide your wives...

Also, congrats to Kevin Truax, Matt Rink, and Erik Quarberg who will represent the Cobras in the inaugural Class "A" Hall of Fame Game. The Park National All Stars will be playing the St Paul All Stars at Dunning Field on Saturday at noon. Congrats to the Park National Hall of Fame inductees Larry Gallagher and Jim (Cheezy Au Gratin) Botten.

7/5: Big 1st helps Cobras past Blue Sox

A 4 run 1st inning propelled the Cobras past the Blue Sox 10-4 as the Cobras begin the stretch run in July. Everybody hit the ball well, and JE Urseth pitched 6 quality innings. Josh Fossan, fresh off of a box cutter to the pitching arm, threw the 7th. There were an amazing amount of balls that popped out of Blue Sox outfielders' gloves at the beginning of the game. Cobras will be back in action Thursday vs the Patriots at 8:30 at Parade Stadium.

6/29: Errors doom Cobras

The Cobras committed 7 errors in losing to the Rocks 8-0 on Wednesday. In the 3 games the Cobras have played against the Rocks this year, they have made an astounding 21 errors. You're welcome.

In addition, the Rocks pitcher was solid, working his way out of several jams. Cobras will be off until July 5th. Hopefully the break will allow a few injuries to heal, and a few brains will remember that baseball can be fun and easy if you let it be. Have a fun and safe 4th of July weekend everybody.

6/28: Cobras Split with Lakers

The Cobras split a partial doubleheader with the Lakers Tuesday, winning the completion of the rain-shortened game from 6/22 3-2, and then losing 7-2 in the nightcap. In game 1, which began in the top of the 6th, the Cobras score the game winning run after Erik Quarberg singled, then Brian Jensen hit a sharp bouncer that took a Parade Stadium hop and eluded the shortstop to put runners at 1st and 2nd. After a strikeout, Dan Thompson hit a cue shot fielded by the 2nd baseman, who tagged Jensen but then threw past the 1st baseman, allowing Quarberg to score. Kevin Truax pitched 2 perfect innings to get the win. In game 2, the Lakers jumped out early against their former teammate Billy Diaz, and held on thanks to a strong pitching performance and some quality defensive plays. Cobras will play the Rocks at Parade Stadium tonight before heading into the 4th of July break. Gametime is 6:15 at Parade Stadium

6/27: Cobras Suck, Lose to Rats

Cobras lose 12-2. Everybody sucked including umpires. Not any fun. Try to turn around vs Lakers tonight. 8:30. Parade

6/24-26: Stockmen's Invitational

The Cobras battled to a 2nd place finish in the 16th Annual Stockmen's Invitational Tournament in South St. Paul over the weekend. The Cobras played fairly well, yet the end result can only be termed disappointing, as 2 tough losses kept the Cobras from the championship. In Game 1, the Cobras were pitted against the Rosemount Black Sox. Billy Diaz started on the hill for the Cobras and was sharp, pitching 5 strong innings. Nick Zawacki finished up for the 2 inning save. Offensively the Cobras were led by Kevin Truax (2 hits), Mason Reinhart (3 hits), Erik Quarberg (2 doubles), Brian Jensen (HR, 3 RBI's), and Rob Gossard (Double off the tippy-top of the fence). That hitting and pitching guided the Cobras to an 8-3 win.

Saturday saw the Cobras facing Highland Park. In a back and forth game, the Cobras led 6-5 in the 6th, only to see Highland Park score 2 unearned runs and win the game 7-6. John Wengenroth pitched well in the loss, and Matt Rink hit a monster home run, but it wasn't quite enough.

Due to a complex, BCS-like algorithm the Cobras wound up playing in the championship game vs the host Stockmen's Irish. The game got off to an inauspicious start as a brutal call by the 1st base ump cost the Cobras a run in the 1st. However, backed by some timely hitting and the pitching of JE Urseth, the Cobras jumped out to a 6-0 lead in the 6th. In the bottom of the 6th, Stockmen's struck with a run on a single, and a 3 run HR to make the score 6-4. After the Cobras went 1-2-3 in the 7th, Urseth quickly got the 1st 2 outs. After consecutive singles, Urseth was lifted for a relief pitcher, and with an 0-1 count, the Stockmen's hitter launched a curveball into the crowd for a walk off 7-6 win. It was a pretty cool moment for the Irish but a difficult game to swallow for the Cobras who had played well. But that's baseball sometimes.

Cobras have no time to mope as they have 4 crucial league games in 3 days this week that should help make for a clearer picture in the Park National standings. The marathon begins with a game against the surprising River Rats Monday at 8:30 at Parade Stadium.

6/22: Tie in the Rain

The Cobras and the Mpls Lakers battled to a tie through 5 innings in a game that will be completed next Tuesday before the 2nd Cobras/Lakers game. The majority of the game was played in a constant rain which made for miserable conditions throughout. By the 5th, the rain had gotten heavier and the Cobras had dug themselves a 2-0 hole and were in danger of losing a rain shortened game. After the Cobras got 2 runners on with 2 outs in the 5th, Matt Rink crushed a mush ball about 410 feet for a triple to tie the game. Mason Reinhart hit a shot which was snared by the Lakers CF to end the inning and the umps immediately called the game, as the mound had become slop and there was standing water in the infield. The final 2 innings will be made up 6/29 before the 2nd Cobras/Lakers game. Cobras will travel to South St Paul to play in the 16th annual Stockmen's Irish Invitational Tournament on Friday. Their first opponent will be the Rosemount Black Sox at 6:15.

6/20: Cobras Momentum Punch Merchants

The Cobras played one of their most complete games in what has been an up and down year on Monday, beating the Metro Merchants handily, 10-2. J.E. Urseth was solid on the mound, scattering 6 hits, and showing off his quick pick off move (which resulted in 0 pick offs). Everybody got involved at the plate led by Dan Thompson with 2 hits and 4 RBI's. Mason Reinhart, Erik Quarberg, and Erik Dahl had two hits as well, John Wengenroth hit line drives, and Adrian Westergren had a sharp single in a pinch hitting appearance, and then the Merchants catcher faked trying to pick him off a few times, but amazingly, Adrian did not fall over. Kangaroo court stayed aggressive post-game, with people like Fossan getting fined for "being a dumb ass and cutting his arm off" and other not-so-friendly things. Cobras are back in action Wednesday vs the Lakers @ 6:15 at Parade.

6/18: Cobras hold Golf Fundraiser

Golf Fundraiser was a great success. Thanks to all those who participated and those who helped out and to the grill for finally working.

6/16: Cobras drop tough one to Angels

A 4 run 1st inning killed the Cobras as they lost 5-4 to the Angels Thursday night. The Angels came out of the chutes swinging the bats well, as a few well placed hits and a botched 1st/3rd play led to 4 runs. The Cobras clawed back to within 5-4, but could not rally in the 7th. Billy Diaz pitched well in the loss, Matt Rink and Mason Reinhart had 2 hits, and the defense was much better, which is promising. Other game notes:

• Matt Rink was hit in the head by a pitch. X-rays after the game revealed nothing.
• Matt Rink spilled beer all over his girlfriend
• Mason brought a giant harem of women to the game
• Deets' giant mastadon/dog ate a small child whole during the 5th inning
• The Angels were fryin' up a turkey over there, or something. It smelled good.
• Goose complained about the courtesy runner for the catcher rule, even though it clearly benefitted the Cobras
• There were many more aggressive fines tonight.

Cobras will have the 5th annual Golf Tournament "Fun"raiser this Saturday, followed by a game vs the Merchants on Monday.

6/15: Cobras rained out

Due to a soggy field and a mandate from the city, the Cobras game vs Stockmen's Irish has been canceled and will not be made up. And Adrian fell over...

6/13: Urseth, Cobras shut out Blue Sox

J.E. Urseth pitched a very efficient 4 hit shutout over the Blue Sox 7-0 on Monday night. Urseth was in control all night as he walked no one and didn't allow a Blue Sock past 1st base, in spite of forgetting to cover 1st base on a potential double play. Offensively the Cobras were led by Brian Jensen with 2 doubles, a single, 3 RBI's, a foul homerun, and an extremely gay 2 strike swing. Kevin Truax and Mason Reinhart also had multiple hit nights, and the rest of the Cobras looked sharp at the plate and in the field. After the game, the Cobras drank a 30 pack of Hamm's and had Dulono's Pizza delivered to the parking lot and in court the fines bordered on being mean and most everyone was convicted. Also, for a little while there, it smelled like "somebody runned over a skunk". Happy travels to Matty Germar who will be spending his Tuesday driving to Bumblecrotch, WI to deliver caskets. Cobras will be back in action Wednesday taking on 2010 State Tournament participant Stockmen's Irish at 7:30 at McGuire Field in South St. Paul.

6/10-12: Cannon Falls Tournament

While LeBron was busy choking on South Beach, the Cobras took their talents to Cannon Falls for the annual Cannon Falls Tournament, and like LeBron, the Cobras did not live up to their fans' lofty expectations, finishing 4th. The opening game was the highlight for the Cobras as they defeated the Elko Express 4-3. In that game, the score was 0-0 until the 7th, when Brian Jensen's 2 run single followed by a run scoring single by J.E. Urseth gave the Cobras a 3-0 lead. After the Express came back to tie the game in the top of the 9th, the Cobras struck again. Mason Reinhart walked to lead off the inning, and was followed by Erik Quarberg, who also walked. Jensen worked a 3-1 count and then spanked a single up the middle for the walk off RBI. Billy Diaz was dominant on the night, taking a no hitter thru 7.2 innings, but still received the hard luck no decision.

Game two pitted the Cobras against a familiar foe, the Mpls Rocks. Not much to say about this one. It was another ugly loss to a team that had a 10 year winless streak against the Cobras at one point, and some pointless chirping from a Rock player that needed a hug, or a wine cooler or something, made the loss all the more irritating.

The 3rd place game saw the Cobras battle another Park National team, the Metro Merchants. Ben Schroeder pitched 8 solid innings, but this game would go 13, much to the chagrin of the Rocks and Hastings Hawks waiting to play afterward, with the Metro Merchants pulling out a 10-7 win. Offensively Erik Quarberg (4-6, 3 2B) and Kevin Truax (3 hits) were the stars, but the Merchants took advantage of some errors and had some hits to account for the final margin.

Once the Cobras defense starts playing a little better, the Snakes will be tough to beat. Hopefully this happens before September. Cobras are back in action tonight at Parade vs the Blue Sox at 6:15.

6/6: Cobras lose to Pub

The Cobras were shut down Monday night by a tough Lyon's Pub pitcher 4-1. Matty Germar battled his way through 5 innings allowing 1 earned run. Aaron Chez-Shaw finished up strongly. But the bats were silent, getting only 4 hits, 3 by Matt Rink, on the night. Also, the home plate umpire needed constant reassurance from the catcher that he was calling balls and strikes correctly, and Kevin Truax nearly hit a member of the Pub with a foul ball while he was peeing into the ivy down the 3rd base line. Cobras have 3 days off and then will play the first game of the Cannon Falls Tournament vs Elko on Friday at 8:30 at John Burch Field in Cannon Falls.

6/5: Cobras strike in 6th, Beat Mudhens

The Cobras made a 7 run 6th inning hold up as they beat the St Paul Mudhens 11-6. The good news is that the Cobras managed 17 hits, at least one for everybody, and 3 homeruns, 2 by Matt Rink and 1 by Erik Quarberg. The bad news is that the first 5 1/2 innings was again fairly sloppy and it took 9 unanswered runs by the Cobras to account for the final score. At least there were not 4 Hispanic children running around the warning track this time. Cobras play league rival Lyon's Pub tonight at Parade Stadium at 8:30.

6/3: Cobras Forget to Show Up

It was a beautiful night at a nice ballpark with a great atmosphere. Unfortunately, those were the only good things, as the Cobras got stomped 10-0 by a good Maple Lake team. The Cobras were perplexed all night by a pitcher throwing a 7 mph curve and a really bad 6th inning put the game out of reach. It was ugly. Cobras try again Sunday with a rematch against the St Paul Mudhens at McMurray Field in St Paul.

6/1: Cobras Drown Rats

A frustrated Cobras team took out a little anger on the Minneapolis River Rats, beating them 10-0 on a nice night for baseball in downtown Minneapolis. Billy Diaz was stellar, picking up his first win of the year going 6 innings, allowing 2 hits, walking 2 people, hitting 2 people, and throwing behind 2 people. The offense hit the ball well and the Rats kicked the ball around a little in the infield which helped contribute to some runs. Other highlights:

• Cobras got really mad and loud about two blown calls in the 1st inning
• Mike Lenertz swung at some neck balls
• Mason told the "Extended Director's Cut" version of the Face Baby story which included never before seen impressions, and a "Where are they now" segment at the end.
  
• Adrian fell over walking
• There were no homeless people with cans and abdominal deformities in the lot
• Quarberg struck out twice. He was quite bothered by this.
  

Cobras will venture out to Maple Lake Friday night, to take on the Maple Lake Lakers. Game time is at 7:30

5/31: Cobras hand one to the Patriots

On a day where the wind was blowing out to right about 40 Mph, the Cobras lost a tough one to the American Pie Patriots 7-6. Matty Germar was effective throughout the game, giving up only 4 hits in 5 innings of work. After the Cobras a 3-1 lead on a 2 run triple by Kevin Truax and a RBI single by Matt Rink, the Patriots scored 5 in the 5th as the Cobras hurt themselves a little bit with some misplays and a really high windblown triple. The Cobras loaded the bases in the 7th, but a fielder's choice ended the rally a run short. Tough loss to a team the Cobras should beat.

In the parking lot after the game the Cobras team was accosted by some extremely drunken homeless people carrying around a gigantic plastic sack full of cans to be recycled. They quickly got annoying and they smelled like liquor and poop, and one of them had something horrifying growing off his abdomen. No one knows what this was, but it was the final straw, as Mason chased them out of the lot.

Cobras have little time to regroup, as they will take on the River Rats tonight at 8:30 at Parade Stadium.

5/26: Cobras Blast White Bear Township 14-2 

The Cobras scored 6 runs before White Bear Township had a single hit Thursday, blowing them out 14-2.  Veteran Matt Germar had it going early, his stuff was unhittable and uncatchable for a while (just ask catcher Rob Gossard).  

The Cobras bats showed up early and often...Mason Reinhart hit his second HR of the year followed by a slow jog around the bases and an imaginary shake weight workout.  Kahtan Al-Kaissy blasted a couple doubles off of the wall and Erik Quarberg hit the longest single ever due to Reinhart not running hard because of a recent hand injury ($1).  The Cobras were on base every inning...Kevin Truax was hit by a ground ball running from 1st to 2nd.  "My legs were too tired from running the bases all day, I couldn't get out of the way." Truax said, he was fined accordingly.

The Cobras are off until Tuesday when the take on the Wesley Homes Gator Patriot Pies.  Should be a good matchup.  

5/25: Cobras Rally To Beat Hastings...Commit ZERO Errors!

The Cobras took the show on the road Wednesday to Hastings and rallied to win 11-7.  A five run first inning for Hastings got the game off to a rough start, courtesy of J.E. Urseth and his batting practice fastballs.  The opposing pitcher kept the Cobras guessing with a variety of submarine ephus, gravity, and gyroball pitches.  The Cobras bats were kept relatively silent scoring only 3 runs in the first 5 innings off of the "crafty lefty".  Erik Quarberg was spotted loading twice before grunting and popping out to left field.

The tide turned as a new pitcher entered the game for Hastings, and the Cobras piled on the runs.  A combination of walks, bunts, and clutch hits later and it was 8-6 for the good guys.  The Cobras would tack on 3 more runs later in the game and hold of the Hawks for an 11-7 victory.  Nico Balcos got the win in relief, with Nick Zawacki earning the save.  Kevin Truax had 3 hits, Mick Sawinski had 2, and FNG Kevin Roth also had 2.

In the lot post game the Cobras took the sweep, they even outlasted the Hastings Rec Softball players.  Mason Reinhart ordered up some Mexican biscuits on his phone...and Quarberg and Zawacki raved at how tasty the McGangbang sandwich was at McDonalds.  White Bear Township is next...

5/23: What the Hell Was That???

Cobras play probably their worst game ever losing 19-7 to the Rocks. Cobras had 9, count em, 9 errors in 5 innings before the game ended due to the mercy rule. The Rock also turned a triple play, threw out a runner at home, and plopped some singles around just for fun, while they stared at each other wondering what imposters had stolen the Cobras uniforms. It was a joke. Cobras play Hastings on Wednesday. Hopefully pride kicks in and the real Cobras show up.

5/17: Cobras Escape St. Paul Sport & Spine

In a back and forth exciting game, the Cobras managed to hold off St. Paul Sport & Spine 7-6. The Cobras took an early 3-0 lead on a long HR by Erik Quarberg, who had been lamenting about the fact that he hadn't hit a HR yet about 2 minutes earlier. Cobras starter Ben Schroeder was all over the place early, walking 6 in the first 2 innings. Then he settled down and did just fine, allowing 6 hits and 5 runs over 5 innings. Cobras cut the lead to 5-4 in the 5th on a RBI single by Quarberg, and tied it in the 6th on a double by Mike Lenertz. In the 7th, Mason Reinhart lead off by being hit with a pitch, and 2 batters later, Kahtan Al-Kaissy launched a ball that cleared the 344 sign in Centerfield to give the Cobras a 7-5 lead. Some walks made it interesting in the 7th, but Al-Kaissy struck out the 9 hitter with the bases loaded to end the game. Nico Balcos got his first win of the year in relief, pitching 1 1/3 innings and striking out 4. Al-Kaissy got the save. Other highlights:

• Quarberg and Lenertz had 2 hits for the Cobras,
• Kahtan wasn't paying attention during conversations early in the game,
• J.E. got fined for not getting fined,
• There were a bunch of girls at Kangaroo court,
• Mason can't count to 3
• Jensen throws lefthanded like a retarded girl
• Getting hit directly in the butthole with a baseball doesn't hurt that bad
• Adrian fell over
• A homeless man on crutches was hitting on my mom

Cobras will be off until Friday when they will resume league play against the Minneapolis Lakers, who have proven to be a huge thorn in the Cobras side over the years. 7:30 at Parade Stadium

5/16: Cobras Win League Opener

In the league opener, the Minneapolis Cobras took down a feisty Metro Merchants team 9-3 on Monday Night. The Cobras took a 17 inning scoreless streak into the game, and the streak made it to 20 before Dan Thompson's RBI groundout in the 4th. With the game knotted at 2 in the 6th, the Cobras got a little bit angry and put the game out of reach. Thompson led off with a walk, then Brian Jensen lashed a double over the LF's head to make it 3-2. J.E. Urseth was then grazed in the jersey by a pitch. After Mick Sawinski sacrificed both runners over, Kevin Truax delivered an RBI single. Mason Reinhart walked to load the bases, and then Erik Quarberg walked to force in a run. Matt Rink and Kahtan Al-Kaissy then hit back to back 2 run singles. When the smoke cleared, it was a 7 run 6th, and the Cobras cruised the rest of the way. Billy Diaz was stellar again, and again received no decision. Mike Lenertz came in in the 6th and vultured another win for the Snakes. Reinhart, Al-Kaissy, and Urseth each had 2 hits, and thankfully there were no Hispanic children on the field at any point during the game. Cobras are back in action tonight, taking on St Paul Sport & Spine at Dunning Field at 6:15.

5/15: No Points, No Wins

With the wind blowing in about 30 mph, the Cobras lost a tough one to the improved St. Paul Mudhens 2-0. The Cobras had 9 hits on the day, but grounded into 4 double plays, and hit 4-5 balls that would have been either HR's or deep doubles that became harmless fly outs into the wind. Matt Rink had 3 hits for the Cobras, Dan Thompson and J.E. Urseth added 2, and Erik Quarberg hit a double for the Cobras. On the mound, John Wengenroth pitched 6 great innings, while Nick Zawacki and Matty Germar, making his 2011 debut, finished up. Fortunately, league play begins today, and the Cobras can erase a slightly disappointing start with a victory over the Metro Merchants tonight, 8:30, at Parade Stadium.

5/11: Cobras drop tough one to Coon Rapids

The Cobras lost a nail biter to the Coon Rapids Redbirds last night 2-1. Billy Diaz and newcomer Nick Zawacki combined on a 5 hitter, striking out 10 Redbirds collectively, but Coon Rapids won in the 9th on a couple of singles, a sacrifice, and a Sac Fly. Cobras managed 6 hits on the night, 2 by John Wengenroth, and welcomed back Matty Germar to the field, only 8 days after hernia surgery. After the game, Zawacki tried to kill his teammates by backing up over them, and was subsequently fined. Also, the phrase, "If the fart is dry..." has entered into Cobras pop culture. Cobras get a couple of days off and then will be back in action of Saturday with a doubleheader vs the St Paul Mudhens beginning at noon at McMurray Field in St. Paul.

5/10: Ouch. Cobras lose to Blaine

The Cobras lost to the Blaine Fusion 11-1 on a night filled with sweltering humidity, tornado sirens, dumb girls sitting on metal bleachers waiting to get fricasseed by lightning strikes, and an umpire with an interesting interpretation of the strike zone. As has been the case in previous early season games with the Fusion, the Cobras looked like a team playing their 4th game, while the Fusion appeared to be in midseason form. J.E. Urseth was solid in his Cobras pitching debut, pitching 6 innings and allowing 3 runs. Offensively, the Cobras were shut down somewhat by the Blaine pitchers who were throwing hard and hitting spots. Rob Gossard collected 2 hits for the Cobras, Erik Quarberg had an RBI double, and Mick Sawinski had a hit in his 2011 debut. Cobras return to action tonight against the Coon Rapids Redbirds. 8:00 at Wintercrest Park in Coon Rapids.

5/8: Cobras Rained Out

The game might not have counted, but if the play during the 3 and 1/2 innings was any indication, the Cobras are going to be good. Before the game ended the Cobras had 10 hits, 6 runs, and Ben Schroeder was dominant on the extra schloppy mound, throwing 3 shutout innings giving up 1 hit and striking out 3. Cobras will be off until Tuesday where they will face the Blaine Fusion at 7:30 at Paul Parkway in Blaine.

5/6: Cobras Win Close One.

The Cobras won their first game of the year with a 9-8 victory over the Princeton Panthers on Friday. The game was a back and forth affair but in the end the Cobras went home happy. The Cobras scored the first 3 on a scorching line drive by Brian Jensen that ate up the shortstop, and a single by J.E. Urseth. The Panthers would scored 6 unanswered runs, but in the 7th the Cobras bats came up big as a 2 run triple by Matt Rink, RBI single by Jensen, and RBI single by John Wengenroth put the Cobras up 7-6. Princeton answered with two more of their own, but a Sac Fly by Erik Quarberg tied the game in the 8th, and an RBI fielder's choice by Nico Balcos in the 9th proved the difference. Wengenroth, Quarberg, and Urseth each had 3 hits for the Cobras as they pounded out 16 on the night. Mike Lenertz got his first Cobra win, going 1 2/3 innings of scoreless relief, and Kevin Truax got the save. Nice win for the Cobras as they had to battle through a difficult time finding the strike zone. Next game will be Sunday at 2:00 against the East Bethel Bandits at St. Francis HS.

5/5: Cobras Drop Opener.

Cobras drop the opener to a tough Burnsville Bobcats squad 9-7. Mason Reinhart continued a tradition from Matt Rink, who was absent, of hitting a Home Run in his first AB of the year, crushing the first pitch he swung at over the left field fence and not pimping it too much. Unfortunately, an 8 run 4th ultimately killed the Cobras as they were doomed by some errors, some legitimate hits, and a really bumpy field which made the baseball take some football hops. Billy Diaz made his Cobras debut, giving up 9 runs, but only 1 earned in 4 innings, and striking out 6. Josh Fossan and Rob Gossard finished up, pitching 4 collective innings of scoreless relief. John Wengenroth had two doubles, Brian Jensen had two hits, Adrian fell over during an around-the-horn and was also inexplicably hit on his inside leg by a pitch, J.E. Urseth made a few terrible throws back to the pitcher and then pled guilty during court, and Matty Germar hobbled around and sat in a special "Crippled Person Chair" as he is recovering from offseason (May 3rd) hernia surgery. Cobras will resume play on Friday, traveling up to Princeton to take on the Princeton Panthers. Game time is 7:30. See you there.

5/4: Opening Day!! The Cobras, fresh off a 3rd place finish in the 2010 Class "A" State Tournament, begin their 2011 season tonight against the Burnsville Bobcats at Alimagnet Park in Burnsville. The Bobcats were themselves a participant in the 2010 Class "B" State Tournament, and should provide a tough opening match-up for the Snakes.

4/22: 12 days remain until opening day. The Cobras have been hampered a little in their efforts by bad weather, and since the Hamline Fieldhouse has been unavailable so far, practice has been a little sparse. 7 Non-Conference games before the league opener against the Metro Merchants should help the Cobras shake off whatever rust they may still have. In other Park National news:

-The Richtown Bombers folded leaving the PN with only 9 teams.

-Albert's Gators, formerly Wesley Homes, formerly Stewart Title, formerly Adrian's, has now become the American Pie Patriots. Perhaps Don McLean will sing the National Anthem at their games, or Jason Biggs will come hump a dessert during pre-game or something. Something better happen anyway...

3/8: Cobras Sign 5.

The Cobras, fresh off their best state tournament finish in 7 years, have signed 5 players for 2011. Cobras nation welcomes J.E. Urseth, Erik Dahl, Billy Diaz, Ben Schroeder, and Erik Quarberg to the team.

2/28: Long time Cobras Pitcher Nate Broehm has decided to retire. Broehm was one of the finest pitchers to ever don a Cobra uniform. The 7-time Park National League all star was a fearful presence on the mound, his 6'6" frame and dirty 3/4 arm stuff always leaving hitters bailing out of batter's boxes. Nate's arm has caused him troubles for the last few years and that coupled with an impending summer marriage made his decision for him. We thank Natron for being a great pitcher, a great teammate, and most of all a great person.

2/7 (From the AP): The Minneapolis Cobras' 2011 schedule is set and posted on the schedule tab. 39 games are scheduled as of today and there may be 2-4 more games still to go. The Cobras, fresh off their best finish in 7 years, have numerous games scheduled against some of the best competition in the State. Outside of the 16 league games, all scheduled at Parade Stadium, the Cobras will square off against perennial rivals St Louis Park, Stockmen's Irish, St Paul Sport & Spine, and the St Paul Mudhens in Class "A". Class "B" opponents will include Burnsville, Blaine, and Hastings, all qualifiers for the 2010 Class "B" tournament, as well as East Bethel, Eagan, and Coon Rapids twice. Class "C" opponents round out the schedule with trips back to Victoria and Princeton, a game in early June with Maple Lake for the first time in 10 years, and the first ever meeting with Chanhassen. In addition to these games, the Cobras are also participating in 3 tournaments. The Cannon Falls tournament will open up the 2nd weekend in June with the Cobras facing a tough Elko team. The last weekend of June brings the return of the Stockmen's invitational, a tournament the Cobras have not won since 2004. Finally in Mid-July the Cobras will make the pilgrimage to the annual Nick Bell-Cold Spring-Round Robin Extravaganza, where the Cobras will almost certainly be matched up against the hometown Springers @ 5:00 on Sunday (since that's the way it always is). It should be a very exciting season for the Cobras and their fans. Come out and support your team!

 

1/30: Offseason planning continues. Schedule is 95% set. Numerous free agent pick ups have made the Cobras, at least on paper, a very dangerous team in 2011. More on those at a later date. Ace lefty Matty Germar was reportedly "really happy" about the look of the 2011 team. Check back for updates.

1/3: 2011 is upon us. The Cobras will be looking to improve on their 3rd place finish in the 2010 Class "A" State Tournament. Scheduling has already begun for the 2011 season. Check back often for more updates. Adrian fell over.