Spaceballs: Or How I Learned to Stop Listening and Ignore the Third Base Coach

Posted May 7, 2015


May the 4th be with them!

At least it was for one game. It was a beautiful day for ball with some mixed results. The first game was highlighted by early run support for the master of the lob himself, Rob "GingerVag" Timlick. I'd change his nickname to Rob "The Lob" if it weren't for the overwhelming popularity of his vagina. He's in fine early season form, averaging nearly a strikeout per inning. Game one also provided some of the finest third base coaching you'll ever see ignored. You'd think having a ring that shoots crotch seeking lasers would instill a little more respect in Spaceballs underlings. Alas, the captain appears to be surrounded by assholes, both major and minor. Player of the game might have gone to Donaskroob, if he'd only listened to the third base coach and settled for a triple...and also wasn't a complete douche. Instead, for the second week in a row, it goes to Shawna for adding another three RBI to her team-leading total of 8.

Game 2 provided a different tale. Not one of conquest, but one of not finding shit. The opponents stopped throwing the ball away, Spaceballs made some baserunning errors and the team's big guns brought only the little ones. Although superfan Bryna "Little Spoon" Skelly likes it when they whip out the little ones, it does nothing to help the team win games. The player of game 2 was backup pitcher, Ben "Assbutt" Vickery with his 4 strikeout performace. The offense sure didn't deserve anything. 

Gunner's Mate First Class, Phillip Asshole



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