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Welcome to the Ramblers Website. Home of the 2005 Riverview champs.

Resurfaced! Uko to throw out first pitch in World Series

New York- Rambler manager Ben Uko has almost finally returned home from his world tour.  His last stop will be to throw out the first pitch in the World Series at Yankee Stadium next week.  A dinner with President Obama is scheduled beforehand, and Uko is expected to give a motivational speech to the Boy Scouts of America after throwing out the first pitch.  The Ramblers have already planned a welcome home party at RHS upon his return to God's Country, were he will address the media for the first time since is disappearance.  His speech will be followed by the unveiling of Brian Sprout's statue beyond the left field wall.

July 30, 2009: UKO UPDATE: “LOTS OF TALENT DOWN UNDER”

Ben Uko is not on a worldwide motivational speaking tour as previously suspected. The MIA volunteer manager has confirmed he is scouting talent on the Aussie coast. “There is some real nice talent down under” said Uko “I am doing everything possible to make sure that this talent is at Rambler Park during the 2010 season”

July 28, 2009: Ermisch Goes All The Way For The First Time

  It's every man's dream: going all the way. No one should know this better than Carl Ermisch. Ermisch has been on a Rambler best 10 game hitting streak. Not only did he make it to second base, he even made it to home plate in Richfield's 11-1 win over Brooklyn Park on Sunday. Ermisch's brilliant slide in the back door brought about not only screams from the crowd, but even giggles. "At least I wasn't the catcher in this situation this time," Ermisch exclaimed. MIA manager Ben Uko was reached via phone and had this to say, "I'm proud of Carl. He tries so hard, so it's good to see that he's getting results. His focusness is an inspiration."

The Ramblers take on St. Louis Park in the second round of the Riverview playoffs tonight at Dakota Field. First pitch will be at 7:30.

July 28, 2009: McDermott Chosen To Instruct Elite Speed Clinic

Rambler lead off batter Kyle McDermott has been asked to be an instructor at Don Beebe's House of Speed for their upcoming camps. Beebe is a former NFL player that ran a 4.21 in the 40 yard dash and is considered one of the fastest ever to play the game. "It's great when you come across this special talent in other sports. Fortunately, Kyle has been blessed with the kind of speed that you just can't teach," said Beebe. Beebe first became interested in McDermott after seeing McDermott take second base on a passed ball in a recent Rambler game.When asked how he would describe McDermott's speed, Beebe replied - "Effortless. It's like he isn't even trying. That's the message that we need to convey to youngsters: Run like you've never run before and showcase it."

July 26, 2009: BREAKING NEWS: UKO SPOTTED DOWN UNDER

MIA volunteer manager Ben Uko has been spotted down under. Uko was reportedly seen in a local bar around 3 am chanting “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!” while the rest of the bar refrained “Oi, Oi, Oi!”. Prior to the chant Uko huddled the bar crowd and told them to stay focused during the national chant.

July 26, 2009: Zwerdling to receive humanitarian award

Richfield Mn- After moving on to the final series of the Riverview Playoffs today, the Ramblers found out that third base coach Chad Zwerdling will be receiving a humanitarian award for his years of endless dedication to the squad.  "He is an inspiration to us all," said Rambler rookie Andy Bartz.  "When I first joined the Ramblers, I thought that I was on a one-way street to no where, but after seeing Z walk out to the third base coaches box in my first game, I wanted to be someone."  Many Ramblers have found their lives turned in the right direction because of Z's involvement and inspiration.  "I had no goals in life," said Erik Nelson.  "I felt like a nobody.  But after spending time with Z for a summer, I now walk to the park with my head held high and think to myelf, I am a MIAC Batting Champ."

Tomorrow at Rambler Park, Zwerdling will receive the first ever Chad Z Zwerdling Rambler Humanitarian Award, which was named in honor of the first man to ever win the award.

AWOL team manager Ben Uko even commented from an undisclosed location: "I am so impressed that he is winning this award.  I mean, what are the chances that of all the awards he could have won, he was chosen for the one that bears his name.  To me, it would be like Cy Young winning the Cy Young Award."

Did Rambler Execs leak Carl Ermisch Tape?

Erin Andrews remained the top video search on Google this week. However another scandalous video, sure to rock town baseball, had also quietly cracked the top ten.

The 4 hour video reportedly shows the Rambler pitcher posing naked in front of a mirror, standing on a makeshift pitching mound of dirty shirts draped over a pile of old Maxim magazines in his parent’s basement, attempting to perfect his game face.

“That doesn’t surprise me one bit” said Steve Ryan. “Carl has been making some poor decisions lately.” Rambler PR man Matt Green was shocked. “Normally Carl wears a ‘W.W.S.D?’ wrist band. Obviously this is something Brian would never approve of”

The identity of the man in the home footage may have remained unknown if it weren't for an anonymous email sent out last week to area reporters. Reliable sources believe that Ramblers executives had meticulously planned the leak in an attempt to both help reduce crowd control expenses during the BP series as well as establish Corey “Feather” Measner as the Ramblers new baby faced teen idol.

A source in the front office was quoted “Carl has also been making some very odd requests of teammate’s significant others. But in the end it’s a business decision. Feather has out produced Carl all year in drawing fans from our target market.”

Breaking News: Ben Uko: "I Bet on Baseball"

The off the field drama for Richfield's favorite son continued Friday morning as manager Ben Uko held a press conference Friday morning at Rambler Park, admitting that he has been placing bets on multiple Riverview League games, including ones that even his Ramblers were a part of.  For once, he had no comment to make relating to this horrible incident, but many Ramblers are extremely upset.  "I haven't felt this let down since the time Hos first told me he had a girlfriend," said Rambler Erik Nelson.

Perhaps the most hurt by this terrible act is Rambler pitcher Wes Olson: "I now understand why he was so proud of me the time I lost 1-0 in extra innings.  He gave me a game ball for it too.  It's tainted now.  He was not actually proud of me for battling on the mound but rather because I had made him millions." 

Many around God's Country had been questioning the common occurence of Rambler 1 run losses this year, and they now have their answer.  For now, Ben Uko has been banned for life from Rambler Park.

July 23, 2009: Williams, Bonds, Ortiz, McDermott

Indeed, the Rambler's own Kyle McDermott asserted himself among the greatest players of all-time yesterday when Brooklyn Park put on a contraversial infield shift every time the right-handed hitter came up to bat.  "It was the highest honor a Rambler has ever received," said manager Ben Uko.  The only question that remained though was: Would the shift hold McD?

The answer of course was no.  This was never more apparent then when McDermott went yard in bottom of the seventh inning for his second homer of the season.  As he rounded the bases, McD pounded his chest and proclaimed, "No shift on earth can contain me!"

McDermott, the unsung hero of the Ramblers, will no longer be flying under the radar.  "I've noticed his name being dropped amongst the top social circles in Richfield.  People often throw his name out at parties in an attempt to associate themselves with him like it is the cool new thing to do," said Uko.  It has also been reported that one Rambler fan leaving the park on Thursday night said, "He hits home runs and pitches, but what is most impressive is how grown-up he looks for only being 25."

July 22, 2009: Olson Pitches Gem as Ramblers Continue Streak

The Ramblers beat Brooklyn Park last night by a score of 9-3. Erik Olson went the distance to pick up the win. Former Dodger and St. Paul Saint, Brian Sprout, hit a signature home run to highlight the red hot Rambler offense. Richfield will take on Brooklyn Park tomorrow night to go for a series sweep and move on to the next round in the Riverview playoffs. A sell out crowd is expected as a growing breed of Rambler fans are rumored to be organizing pre-game tailgating and drinking festivities.

LaManna In-Laws to host next Big Brother tv series

Eagan, MN- Having already played host to several Ramblers (Dan LaManna, Dave Hosford, and David "Gary" Oman), the LaManna In-Laws are extending an invitation to the entire team to stay with them the rest of the summer.  "This should provide for true reality tv entertainment on national television," said bench manager Ben Uko.  "The whole nation will finally get to see its team under one roof."

Although many aound the world have already placed their bets on who is going to win, some on the team might not think they will make it the whole way: "I swear if I have to listen to Uko run his mouth off about Obama's plans to fix the economy, I'm going to drown myself in the hot tub in front of the whole world," said newly appointed closer Erik Nelson.  Although many Ramblers have indeed picked Uko as the front-runner, he has not let it get to his head: "I'm more looking forward to learning a few tricks from Dave Hosford.  It's time to really find out if the old way of thinking that women only care about personality rather than looks is really the case."

As for now, the Ramblers will head up to Brooklyn Park tomorrow to take on Brooklyn Park of course.

And so it begins... 

The Ramblers beat the Westside Bombers on Sunday evening by way of mercy 15-0 in 5 innings. Carl Ermisch picked up the win as he and Erik Nelson combined for the shutout. The entire lineup contributed to the victory with their bats, scoring 11 runs in the first inning alone. "This is the first game in a while where we have been able to put a 'normal' team out on the field," exclaimed Dan LaManna. Richfield has often had just 10-11 players show up for games this season. "Now it's playoff time. We are winning games the Rambler way, hitting the ball well and getting big hits when we need them," said LaManna.

July 17, 2009

Report: Uko among those that tested positive in 2004

Despite winning 2 out of their last 3 games to close the 2009 Riverview season, the Ramblers received a disheartening setback Friday as they learned that their volunteer manager Ben Uko made the list of those who tested positive for steroids in 2004.  "Being a human being that prides himself on honesty, I will fully own up to my mistake," said Uko in a pre-game press conference before Friday's game.  "I needed an edge going into my junior year of football to take on the South St. Paul's of the world, and the hydra-machine workouts were not getting me to where I needed to be." 

On the contrary, Uko seems to have learned from his past mistakes: "I was in a bad place with some bad people.  I will now dedicate every waking moment of the rest of my life towards educating at-risk teens about the dangers of steroids.  I plan to spend the entire off-season as a motivational speaker, emphasizing that it is never too late to make a good first impression," said Uko.

The Ramblers next game is Sunday at 6pm against the Westside Bombers to open the 2009 Riverview playoffs.

Ramblers Taking Drastic Measures: Sign Ben Uko to One Game Contract

In a move designed to shock Rambler nation, not to mention the entire state of Minnesota, Richfield has signed volunteer manager Ben Uko to a one game contract. "I'm tired of providing all the excitement from the bench," cried Uko. "We need to be more aggressive." Uko then went on a rant about how Barack Obama should have worn the full Chicago White Sox uniform while throwing out the first pitch in the All Star Game on Tuesday. "Success happens when dedication meets opportunity, and your bike doesn't breakdown on Lyndale and you find yourself hitching a ride from a player of the Minnetonka Millers."

Uko will be leading off and playing first base against NWS tonight. He has prepared for this day for the last 15 years, replaying scenarios over and over in his head. In case greatness ensues, Uko has prepared his retirement speech. When asking Uko for a sneak peek, he gave just one hint - the title - One Game, One Man, One Dream: The story of a boy with a dream to create success with his bare hands like many college football teams of the past.

June 22, 2009

Bartz will pursue Ripken's streak

Rambler rookie OF/1B Andy Bartz announced today that he has made it his life goal to surpass Hall of Famer Cal Ripken in consecutive games played.  Bartz has started in all 9 games the Ramblers have played this year, and plans not to stop until he is well past Ripken's 2,632.  "If everyone showed up to their jobs like Andy shows up to Rambler games, our country would not be facing such tough times," said manager Ben Uko in regards to Bartz's streak.  Because he is so proud of his young player, Uko has big plans for the day this historic event takes place.  "I can't wait to come to the park the day it happens," said Uko.  "And when it does happen, it will most likely go down as the greatest day in Rambler history, if not baseball history."

Due to budget constraints, the Ramblers are only able to play 20 games a year, which does not really come close to the 162 game schedule the Orioles played year in and year out during Ripken's career.  When Bartz finally passes the Iron Man in consecutive games started, the year will be 2141 and he will be 151 years old.

June 21, 2009

Ramblers win.  Klefsaas placed on waivers

The Ramblers defeated Westside 7-3 today after Bryan Flood returned to the mound for the first time in almost a year.  After the game, Brian Sprout was awarded the Ben Uko Memorial Game Ball in a multiple hit effort from both sides of the plate.

The victory was bittersweet, however, as the Ramblers have been forced to part ways with rookie second baseman Erik Klefsaas.  "Don't get me wrong," said manager Ben Uko after the game, "Klef is a very good player, but there comes a point when it is too hard to make plays on the right side of the infield at Rambler Park from Omaha, Nebraska and business meetings." 

For now, the Ramblers will fill the void with newly appointed captain Chad Zwerdling.  As for Klefsaas, well, we'll say any team in need of a lefty bat with speed at the top of the line-up is in luck. 

June 17, 2009

Fans at Rambler Field might have mistaken the seventh inning of tonight's game for a Minneapolis South/Washburn game at Van Cleve Park from earlier this decade as Matt Green rounded the bases after a heroic solo home run.  Green, a 2001 graduate of Minneapolis South, feasted on Minneapolis public school pitching and depleted rotations faster than torn rotator cuffs.  "Matt Green is the greatest player in Minneapolis City Conference history," said manager Ben Uko after the game.  "I've done the math and the results speak for themselves.  It might be another 500 years before we see another player like him in that conference." 

However, Green's home run was the only run the Ramblers could muster up as they fell to BP 2 to 1 in 9 innings.  Not even Wes Olson's masterful pitching could overcome the rest of the Ramblers' silenced bats.  After the game, manager Ben Uko overlooked the loss due to bitterness from past Star Tribune Metro Player of the Year results: "The guy who won it instead of our Greener in 2001 had inflated stats from playing in the St. Paul City Conference.  He would not have been a .250 hitter on the other side of the river." 

In 2001, the Star Tribune awarded the Metro Player of the Year to Joe Mauer who has now won 2 AL Batting Titles for the Minnesota Twins on the other side of the river.

June 14, 2009

Erik Nelson will star as himself in new documentary

Although the Ramblers saw no action on the field this weekend, they once again found themselves at centerstage in the news as Erik Nelson agreed today to play the role of himself in the new reality tv series MTV Real-World: I'm a MIAC Batting Champ.

The series will chronicle Nelson's rise from of the most humble of beginnings to MIAC prominence. Growing up in a rough Edina neighborhood, Nelson never dreamed of making it big, he just dreamed of making it.  "Every American boy who has ever had a dream should be forced to watch this show," said Rambler manager Ben Uko.  "It is this generation's Rocky IV."  Although Nelson will not be ending Communism, he will be giving a Nation down on its luck hope for a bright future. 

June 10, 2009

Ramblers fall to Tonka 5-2.  Uko in the hot seat.

Rambler manager Ben Uko's seat in the Rambler dugout is feeling much warmer these days as the Ramblers dropped another close Riverview League game.  "There comes a point when you can only do so much through inspiration," Uko said in a post-game interview Wednesday night. 

After predicting the Ramblers would finish atop the 2009 Riverview standings, Uko is reeling a bit as his promises to lure Greg Maddux, Mike Mussina, Jeff Kent, and Barry Bonds out of retirement in order to fill out the rest of the Rambler roster fell through.  "Bonds was the one that really hurt us," Uko recalled.  "We were hoping to get a big lefty bat in the middle of the line-up to protect Brian Sprout the two times a year he showed up." 

As for now, Ben says that the Ramblers will rely on the seasoned and battle tested veteran Dave Hosford.  "Eventually, the younger players will take his lead and know how to produce on and off the field," said Uko.

All we know for sure is that Ben better produce a few more wins fast before Rambler Nation pulls the plug for good.

May 29, 2009

The Ramblers lost 6-1 last night to the ESox, which was much attributed to 4 errors in the field. Carl Ermisch went the distance for the Ramblers giving up just 6 hits and no earned runs. The Ramblers' only run came on a sacrifice fly by Matt Green. The Ramblers' bats have been quiet the last 2 outings and hope to turn things around this weekend.

May 28, 2009

The Ramblers head to Braemar Park in Edina tonight to take on the ESox. Carl Ermisch is excited to do some pre-game squirrel hunting in the woods beyond the center field fence. Animal Rights protestors are rumored to be in attendance as Carl is slated to host a post-game cookout. This is a non-sponsored event and is not in line with the Richfield Rambler organization's viewpoints.

May 26, 2009

Ramblers "Get Right" in first game of the season

Richfield- The Ramblers started out the 2009 season quite strong as threy routed the Westside Bombers 10-0 behind 6 innings of shutout baseball pitched by Erik Olson.  Many new faces appeared in the line-up today, including Erik Klefsaas, who started out the season with a single to right-center.  Andy Bartz also became a quick ficture as he hit a RBI single to RF in his first at bat.  Old veteran's such as Steve Ryan, Dan LaManna, and Kyle McDermott resorted back to their usual ways, all having multi-hit games in the winning effort.  Dave Hosford proved that he still can play, hitting an infield single his first at bat back.  Kris Pulford and Sean Flaherty also added key hits in the game.  In what was his last game, Flaherty knocked in the winning run in the bottom of the first inning with a single up the middle to score Klefsaas. The Ramblers never looked back.  In the post-game ceremony, manager Ben "Pyramid Scheme" Uko awarded the game ball to seasoned vet Steve Ryan, stating that "4-5 with 2 runs is quite a day."  He was also proud of everyone.

Tomorrow, the Ramblers will travel to Dunning Field in St. Paul to face Sport and Spine.  Wes "Top Shelf" Olson will make his Rambler debut.

Opening Day 2009- Rambler Style

Richfield -- Official Opening Day ceremonies began early Tuesday morning at Rambler Park.

At 4 a.m. Tuesday, the Ramblers had their 2^nd annual "Sliders and Eggs" breakfast give away.  Fans who made it out to the parking lot between 4 - 6 a.m. received a free breakfast of reheated sliders from Saturday night. Stale beer was not included.

Free tickets were given away randomly during the breakfast event. In a move sure to rally the Rambler faithful, ticket prices have been slashed to the lowest level in franchise history. “Times are tough. Stock market sucks. Housing market sucks. Layoffs, pay cuts, you name it.  Even though we were denied TARP money we just felt it was the right thing to do” said Dan Lamanna, GM of Operations.” We really expect record crowds this summer”

The Ramblers are set for their home opener Tuesday night when they face the Westside Bombers at 6:10 p.m.  Erik Olson gets will get the nod for the second straight year.

The Ramblers are wasting no time as usual jumping straight into conference play.  Though turnout for practice was sparse, Richfield coach Carl Ermisch fully expects to have at least 8 guys at the field by game time.

May 24, 2009

The Ramblers would like to extend a special thank you to David Olson, President of the Minnesota Chamber of Commerce, for sponsoring the team this year.

Apr 15, 2009

Sprout Checks Beckett Baseball Card Monthly To See If Rookie Card Went Up

 

MINNEAPOLIS—On a recent visit to a local mall with his wife, Ramblers short stop Brian Sprout entered a sports memorabilia store and flipped through a copy of Beckett Baseball Card Monthly to see if his 2009 contract extension with the Ramblers had any effect on the price of his rookie card.

"I mean, who else can go that deep in the hole, do 3 one armed push-ups, and still get the runner at first, right?" muttered Sprout as he ran his finger across the pages, cross-referencing his name against various baseball card manufacturers. "Topps is up, but that's just a typical monthly increase. Upper Deck's got a high book of $1? Now that's just insulting. And Fleer—Fleer didn't even move at all? Goddamn Fleer."

While at the store, Sprout purchased an autographed photo of himself hitting a game winning home run against Bloomington from 2008.

Rep: McNamara/Ermisch Engagement Reports Are "False"

Carl Ermisch is not getting married this summer, a rep for the Richfield Ramblers confirmed on Wednesday.

 

The announcement came as a big relief to the hundreds of Richfield High School girls who pack Rambler Park each week.

 

It was first reported the Rambler pitcher, 21, would say "I Do" to McNamara in a secret $1 million wedding this summer at the local VFW.

"This report is false," the rep confirmed in a statement released on Wednesday.

Ermisch, a closet squirrel killer and avid Huffy bicycle enthusiast, is entering a perennial contract season with the Ramblers. Ermisch quickly became a fan favorite in his first season with the Ramblers and is expected to help the Ramblers challenge for the Riverview title in 2009.